You're Mine

Regret

The days had a tendency to start peacefully after John had a rather not-so-peaceful night. He awoke to birds singing despite being indoors. He pulled on real pants and trudged into the living area.

"What time is it?" He stretched and yawned.

Alex smiled at him from the couch, "About 10:30." He was watching a nature documentary on birds. Nerd.

"Birds?"
"Heck yeah," Alex laughed, "sit with me."

John studied his face, skeptical that Alex might secretly know what happened last night.

"Is it Saturday?" John yawned again. Murder takes a lot of effort.

"Yes. I probably should have said that so you didn't think we were skipping school or something."

"I'd still be cool," he flashed a tired smile toward Alex, "if it meant hanging with you all day."

John half expected him to slide away and stop smiling because... he had said it plenty of times- John was a monster to Alex. But he didn't. He only smiled wider and slid closer to John, laying his head on John's rather bony shoulder.
This action surprised John, "You're... not still mad at me?"

"At you?" He shook his head, "no. I could never stay mad at you."
"Oh! Man, that's aweso-"
"Your actions, however, are quite unforgettable," he inhaled sharply, "unforgivable."
John's smile dropped but he just nodded. He knew he didn't deserve any of what he had.

"But anyway," Alex smiled again. However forced, John appreciated it, "that's depressing. Birds, right?"
"Birds!" John chuckled humorlessly, "right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a long long while of virtual bird-watching, someone rapidly knocked on their door.
"I wonder," Alex turned a questioning face towards John, who offered a shrug. Alex stood and made his way to the door when another burst of knocks hit the door.

"Hey! I'm coming," he opened the door and was met with a rather shaken Burr.

"Aaron? Are you okay?" He questioned.
Burr stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. His whole body was trembling and his eyes were swollen and red.
"Burr," Alex took him by the shoulders, "What is it?"

"He- I- Laf- a note- I... I don't know... what do I do?" Alex looked on him with sympathy. Poor man couldn't even form a sentence. But as soon as he said Laf's name, John grew tense. He had to hold it together. Act like you care.

"Whoa, Burr," John stood and helped Alex lead him to a seat, "take a deep breath and tell us what's happened."

He inhaled shakily a few times and sat silently for a couple of minutes. "I was going to ask Lafayette to hang out today, to try and get him out of his slump, y'know? And so I knocked on his door and there was no answer. And I waited and he still didn't answer. So I remembered he told me where he keeps an extra key and so I- I took the key and I went into his room. And it was dark so I, of course, I turned on the lights. And I tried calling him again and he still didn't answer. So I walked to his bedroom and I knocked on the door. It swung right open. Creepy, right? So I proceeded with caution and that's when... that's when I saw it."
He stopped to fight back more tears, "A note. He left a note on his pillow. And it said- it said-" he couldn't finish his thought. Instead, he wrenched open his pocket and practically threw a piece of paper at Alex. He caught it and read it while John consoled Aaron. John felt the weight of Alex's pure green eyes pounding though every inch of his impure soul. He kept his head down, hoping his face would give nothing away.
But Alex already knew. He could tell.

"Burr, I'm so sorry. I know you were just trying to be a good friend. Do me a favor? Keep it between the three of us for now, yeah?" Alex smiled reassuringly at Burr, who nodded and did his best to cease crying. "Hey, it's okay to cry but I gotta have a word with my roommate here. We'll be back sooner than you expect. Keep your head up."

Burr straightened his head and forced a weak smile as Alex grabbed John's sleeve and rushed him into John's room.
"Explain this," Alex spat. His eyes bore into John's and were on the verge of tears, but still seemed to be angry and filled with rage.
"I- I-" he stuttered, trying to come up with a lie or anything to get the truth off his back. But he couldn't lie. Not again, "I don't have an explanation."
"So you did do this?"
"I- Alex, yes. Yes I did. But it was before you forgave me."
"I forgave you this morning. When did you kill Lafayette?"
"Last night."
"Did you hide his corpse?"
"Yes."
"So you're finally trying to cover your tracks, huh? And a suicide note? It almost looks real."
They stood in uncomfortable silence, all the while John's eyes studied the floor as Alex glared through his heart.
"I'm sorry-"
"You're sorry? You're sorry?! Sorry doesn't bring people back from the dead! You know what does? NOTHING. That's three people. It has to stop, John. I am going to make damn sure it stops. Even if it means you behind bars. I can't deal with it anymore, John. I just... I can't."
He was crying now. Crying for Eliza. For Hercules. For Lafayette. For John's corrupted mind. For what John's future held.
"I regret forgiving you now."
"Alex-"
"How could I be so stupid?! How could I forgive you?! You are a monster. And that's all you'll ever be."
Alex stormed from the room and left John alone to collapse onto his bed. He gripped his pillow and cried.

You're a monster.

And that's all you'll ever be.

How could anyone love a monster like you?