Can You See Me/Can You Hear Me

Find Out What We're Made Of

Connor lead Evan to his car. Charles hopped into the back. Evan buckled himself in as Connor slammed the driver's car door shut and turned on the engine. Evan reached over and started signing.

'What's the ice cream place called?'

'A La Mode,' Connor responded. The car rolled out of the Caribou parking lot. Connor was driving slowly. 'Do you need to be home at a certain time?'

'No,' Evan said. 'Please don't sign and drive at the same time, you could crash.'

'Not the first time I've done it.'

Evan sat back, leaning his forehead against the cold window. The road was bumpy, and Evan's head occasionally banged against the glass. The car sped up as it turned. Evan gripped the seat so he wouldn't hit the window again. He desperately wanted to tell Connor to slow down but that would mean signing to him which is distracted driving and then they'd crash and they'd die and their families would mourn and his mom would end up putting all her time into her work to try to ease the pain and Connor's family would grieve and it would be his fault-

As if his anxiety somehow reached Connor, he slowed down. Evan's breathing went back to normal and it took him two minutes to realize the car had stopped moving and was turned off. Hearing Connor open his door, Evan did the same. Charles jumped into the front seat and out the door. Evan grabbed his leash and held onto Connor's elbow.

Normally Evan would be fine with just Charles leading him, but he didn't know the area and he didn't want to take any risks. What if he was hit by a car because he couldn't see it coming and Connor was still mad at him because of what happened a week ago so he wouldn't pull him out of the way.

Connor held the door open, the bell above chiming to signal their arrival. Evan mumbled a thanks and walked in. Connor lead him to the counter.

'What do you want?' He asked.

'Vanilla in a bowl please,' Evan replied.

'Wow, you're boring.'

Evan frowned. 'Sorry, I know I'm boring. If it's that bad, I'll change my order-'

Connor pulled his hands away. 'Chill, dude. It was a joke.'

Right, of course. It's just a joke. Too bad for Evan, he can't tell when other people are being serious or when they're joking and using sign language doesn't make it any better.

Connor handed Evan his bowl of ice cream. The two walked over to a booth and sat down across from each other. Evan's ice cream was too hard to scoop up, so he just moved it around while waiting for it to melt a bit. Plain vanilla.

Just like your life. Plain, boring. Nothing interesting, nothing special.

Evan reached over to Connor. 'Thanks for the ride,' he said.

'How else would you have gotten here?' Connor asked.

'I mean for Thursday,' he clarified. 'You didn't have to do that, I would've been fine walking.'

'I honestly thought about that,' Connor said. 'But then I thought I couldn't just leave you there. And I. . . Want to be good.'

The ride was out of pity? Of course it was, why would Connor Murphy do anything without being forced. Wait, did he say he wants to be good?

'What do you mean by that?' Evan asked.

'You've heard the rumors, Hansen. I'm not a good person.'

'I've heard them, but that doesn't mean I believe them.'

'That's why they become rumors in the first place, because they're true.' Evan pulled his hand away to eat a small bite of ice cream.

'What do you want me to do about it? I'm sorry that sounds rude. It's just I'm not good in these situations so I'm not sure what to say.' Connor didn't responded. 'So. . . What happens after this? Do we go back to how we used to be? You disappearing for a few days and appearing the next? I enjoyed hanging out even if it was just for a project.'

'Whatever you want, Hansen.'

Evan stood in front of his locker. He debated asking for help from a nearby teacher. Normally, Connor would open it but he hadn't shown up yet. And Evan really needed his math book. He sighed and rested his forehead against the cold metal.

"Evan!" Evan spun around as he heard Jared running toward him. "Where were you?"

"What?" Evan asked.

"Saturday, remember? You said that you would come to synagogue with me."

"Oh my god, I completely forgot!" Evan exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, I was busy."

"You? Busy?" Jared chuckled. "With who?"

"My project partner. We were working on a project for English and we lost track of time."

Jared scoffed. "Whatever, it doesn't matter." Jared's tone was agitated. "Just be sure to come over soon so my parents don't take away my car insurance." His footsteps disappeared down the locker bay.

Evan stood still, hands fiddling with his backpack straps. Jared had sounded. . . Scared. He's never been afraid, he's always making jokes at other people's expense. The only time Evan had seen Jared truly worried was during freshman year.

Jared would talk to Evan is something was really bothering him, right? No because Jared only spoke to him for car insurance. The only reason he got Jared to talk then was because he had walked to Jared's house and used every ounce of courage he had to demand Jared tell him what was going on. Jared hardly told him anything and then started yelling that he could handle it. Then he started going about how he was a bad Jew. Evan didn't understand where that had come from, but he didn't ask.

Evan was blasted out of the memory when the bell signaling to get to class rang.