My drawings and requests

Plz read and dont skip....

I have cut myself today......I broke a promise.....

I just want to feel alive

I want my sisters to smile

But I did to prove...

To prove to my friend that I'm worse...

She said in a argument "I've been going threw emotional problems!"aka depression.

I snapped for this reminded me on the 3rd year of depression...

I told her I was depressed and suicidal but she paid no mind....she shrugged it off like nothing...

So I don't feel sorry for her....

But that's not wat I'm here to talk about

You all know I'm depressed and suicidal

But I never said how bad

My mind screams at me everyday...

My heart aches everytime I smile

My eyes pain when I hold in my tears

When you meet me you might here my voice crack sometimes
....
That's becuz I want to cry

But I don't wanna

Cuz I was told "grow up and stop crying!it won't solve anything!"

And I live by that

Yet I'm still weak

I cry every night

I use makeup to cover it up

I want to kill myself
To stop the voices
To make people happy

But I can't make everyone happy

Yeah if I die lots of people will be happy but people who care like some of you will be upset...

And I can't allow that

I want to make everyone happy yet

I want them to parish

I'm split personality

I made a YouTube channel to make people smile

I've seen you tubers do a lot for me

Made me laugh when I was sad and amused me and made me smile

That's how I'm still here today

Soon I was this one video of my favriote Youtuber Who made me laugh the most

Markiplier

I whatched it and began to cry

He was aware...

I told my mom "I want to send a letter.."

And I did

But they stopped it

They gave it back saying it wouldn't deliver

My heart broke

I had one last person smile

I made so much for him in one envelope

Fanart

A letter

Many things

I'm gonna try again

But with different letters to him

I want to send a letter to every youtuber that has made me smile

And I want them to know

What they've done for me

Soon I stopped whatching them

I started to talk to Emily and play online games

When people began to message me

"Looser"

"You suck at this"

"Wow your such a retard"

"Omg I hate you and I don't even know you but I hate you"

"Bruh ur so lame"

"I bet your ugly"

"I bet your a freak"

"Your the weakest!!nobody likes you so stop playing!!"

But one hurt me the most

"Your pretty weak.and I mean these words but your such a retarded weirdo!you should really consider killing yourself...it would make a lot of people happy."

I stopped playing and left

I tried suicide

But then I started to play with Emily more

What I'm saying is I feel

Safe

I still do to this day

And Emily

When you read this plz remember these few words I'm about to say....

"Even If i die smile.....even if I leave you behind...smile.....I want you happy.....I don't care for me.....just smile.....for your smile brightens my day......and I bet it brightens a lot of others day too....."