Only Time Can Tell

Chapter 5

That night, I sat by the doorstep of our house watching the stars in the sky but still I could see reflections of the earlier scene. I can’t take it off my mind. Why can’t I? Why should I bother? Why can’t I stomach the fact that she’s not mine anymore? “Can’t sleep?” A voice from behind asked. I looked back to see it was my mother in her blue floral duster dress, smiling as if she was sharing in my grief. She didn’t oblige me to answer her question. Instead, she just sat beside me and shared a sigh with me. “The stars are so beautiful, aren’t they? Good for them they look so peaceful up there. How about you, my child? It’s been a long time since I last asked you that question.” She said with her voice intimating that she was about to cry. “I don’t know ma. I don’t know anymore.” I said as a tear fell from my eye and I buried my face on my hands. She solaced me as she put her arm around me and said, “You and Maya aren’t in good terms. I heard. Khin, I’m so sorry. I‘m really sorry if I wasn’t good enough to be both your mother and father. Ever since your father died, I lost hope. I didn’t want to live; nor work; nor do anything until you came along. You gave me a reason to live. I wanted to give you that perfect life but I just couldn’t. Sometimes, I ask myself, ‘what kind of a mother am I?’ when I can’t fill in your needs and thinking that you also had to divide yourself between education and work. My child, I’m so sorry; I’m so sorry that you had to be the one to give us this better home, work, and life.” She was not able to stop herself from crying and neither could I. I couldn’t believe that she was blaming herself so I disproved her saying, “No mother. That’s not true.” And she continued, “No, no, no my child. I didn’t even know that you were neglected and bullied at school until Maya told me. She’s really concerned of you. Look, my child, what they are saying about you that you’re bad luck, that’s not true. That’s just an old superstition. The truth is, you are my lucky charm. You gave me hope and this life. Where would I be without you?” I was deeply touched by her words that I wanted to believe it’s true. Before it was too late, I confided, “Thank you ma. But now, I am faced with a big problem. Maya, my only true best friend, I had hurt her. Ma, I want her back. I-I don’t know why I feel this way but I-“ Before I could continue she advised, “You love her or you just don’t know it yourself. Ok, whatever it is you call it. Look, my son, I’m a woman too. Give her time. Only time could tell how much you love her. And when the time comes, make sure that when you love, you do it wholeheartedly. I love you son.” She then walked inside the house to sleep after giving me a kiss on the forehead. What an advice. Only time can tell. Before I finally went to sleep, I reminisced my memories with Maya; how we used to play on the wide green fields and how I nursed her when she got a wound back then. I realized how wrong I was to neglect her after all we’ve been through. Now I know, she’s the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life.