Notes (Jeon Jungkook)

Chapter 7:The Truth

Ryujin didn't send letters nor text messages to Jungkook for straight two weeks. Jungkook wasn't himself, he was always distracted, gloomy.

It affects his performances in school a lot, he almost lost his scholarship, Namjoon was alarmed about their youngest brother's state. Jungkook used to be very determined during their practices, always hyped, but since Ryujin wasn't sending him anything made it worse. Jungkook realized how important she was to him. She wasn't only his girlfriend but her life matters to him.She was his strength besides his family. No one could ever take the throne from her.

And whenever he visits her apartment, no one would answer him. He didn't knew that she was ignoring him, silently crying behind the window, as Jungkook calls repeatedly outside, even staying for a few hours before deciding to leave. She didn't want him to see her in  a vulnerable state. She loves him too much that their feelings might  affect each other.

"I'm doing this for your sake Jungkook, I should've stopped it. I was too stubborn and denial about my actions, and I have to pay for it right now", Ryujin cried everything out. The unbearable ache ventured inside her, witnessing someone she loved the most sacrificing a lot just for her, being at his outmost self and sincere. It honestly made her regret her actions more, she wasn't cautious enough, and rushed without even properly contemplating.

Jungkook was still practicing to distract himself from everything that was occurring. He wanted to make himself very busy in order for his mind not to land again with Ryujin there. All the countless worrying, hoping, and basically his feelings. It was unwavering for him, he knew that something was off about her, why would she stop sending letters to him?, ignore him again like she did before?. Did she really love him?, perhaps she was just too busy being in uni?.

Namjoon placed a bottle of water beside Jungkook's bag, Jin took the time off to discuss things with the younger one. As the oldest member he wants to help and comfort Jungkook, not because he felt pity but he was willing to do it for the betterment of Jungkook. "Maknae", Jin called him, placing his arms around Jungkook's shoulder. Jungkook gave a frown while looking down. He knew why his hyung was doing this, it was to make him feel better at lest. And he needed right now was comfort and assurance.

He might go insane because of Ryujin, never in his lifetime he was this anxious because of a girl. Jin started the conversation till their talk became a heart to heart talk. Jungkook rarely cries, but he needed to release all the agonizing emotions inside him. He wanted to ease himself. Jin was still hugging the little one, as Jungkook clutched to him dearly.

"Hyung, I don't understand her at all", Jungkook whines

"She might be going through something right now",
Jin murmured caressing the hair of Jungkook. "It might be hell, but still I believe that she has a good reason why she was doing this", Jin continued

"Still, I hate it", Jungkook spat, the darkness and disappointment in his tone.

"We have no choice but to respect her decision, don't always think about negative things", Jin advices the younger one.

"I hate it hyung so much", Jungkook started  to sob again on his hyung's sweatshirt. It ached his heart as well, seeing Jungkook in a very sensitive state right now wasn't good. It was something serious for him.
"What should I do hyung?", Jungkook asked wiping his own tears.

"We need you to be stronger for yourself, we're not doing this for yourself as well but for every single one", Jin rubbed circles on Jungkook's back.

"The truth sucks you know, but at least it was the truth", Hoseok says to Ryujin. They were by the Han River, Ryujin wanted to update Hoseok about herself and the things that were happening at her condition, she chickened out and lost the chance to tell him. "I swear it would be better if you would tell him now, you're just procrastinating", Hoseok sighed frustrated at Ryujin, he hated it. He wanted his younger brother to know since he has the right, but Ryujin was being a scared child. Afraid that she would mess everything up by just telling the truth.

"It's not easy", Ryujin sighs rubbing her temples in frustration. "Well you made it bigger by keeping it from him, Ryujin if you won't tell him then I won't have any second thoughts about telling it to him. Don't you regret a lot of things?", Hoseok was trying to slap sense into Ryujin's blockhead right now.

"I think I need to go to the restroom", Ryujin fumbled with her words and hurriedly ran to the nearest restroom. Her body wasn't taking things too well, everyone was scolding her even Hoseok. He was the only one who knew everything about her, her mother was disappointed on her knowing that she chose a different path. But she guesses that it might be Ryujin's will to, even if Hoseok was internally crumbling deep himself.

"I fucking hate myself", she looked at her reflection. With those pale face, large circles underneath her eyes, chapped lips, and a lifeless reflection. Guilt started to eat her, worry was destructive. Absurdity she thought that worry helped her to prepare for eventuality, for the future. But it wasn't, it was the exact opposite. She never expected Jungkook to return how she felt, and even committed himself to a girl like her.

Did she still have any dignity?, she was dwelling so much at the moment because her plans turned back at her, she thought that hopelessness wanted to focus on her past, and hope wants to focus on her future. She couldn't tell the difference and decipher both. She couldn't move forward, she hoped that there was still a forward for her.

Before she knew it her frail body fell down, with Hoseok in panic searching for her.

Jungkook looked at the results for several times, was it true?, was she joking with him?. Tears filled his eyes when he came to the hospital. Coincidentally he saw Hoseok bringing Ryujin in his arms. And the moment he saw that his tears never stopped dripping since then. He was now waiting outside and Hoseok decided to talk to him.

Jungkook cried in his chest, pounding his fists on he wall. He was angry at himself for being dense, and he thanked Hoseok for being there for her and for him. Hoseok was extremely sad to the extent where tears started to fall from his eyes, both of their eyes were in a crimson color and puffy.

"Hyung, is it true?", Jungkook asked his hyung with his voice cracking.

"It's better if she would tell everything to you", Hoseok pats his shoulders before bidding a good bye to the younger.

A few days passed and Jungkook never left Ryujin's side till her eyes rolled open. Jungkook was in the state of happiness and sadness at the same time. It was a vague moment for him whether he would be relieved to see her awake or hear what she has to say.

"Ryujin please tell me, are you okay?", he softly caresses her hand.

Her vision got blurry because tears started to stream down, she couldn't open her mouth yet, due to the overflowing emotional stress as of now.

"I was scared and now, you've witnessed my biggest fear. Seeing me when i am in my vulnerable state", she cried.

Jungkook stood there with his mouth in agape