Feel My Heart Stop Beating (SkyMU)

Chapter 16

-Adam's POV-

I plopped down in my black desk chair, posted some retarded stuff on Instagram, and soon grew tired after recording a mod showcase.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I had a strange dream.

"Jason? Jason, please come out," I called to the bathroom door.

I grew extremely worried as I heard something shake, or a rattling noise. It sounded like plastic pieces being shook inside a bottle.

Pills.

"Jason? What are you doing? Let me in!"

A sob resonated loudly, and then I heard him speak as clearly as if it was my own voice inside my head.

"He doesn't love me. He lied, he cheated, he abandoned me. And now, there's nothing left to live for. Nothing."

I blinked and the door was gone. A beautifully wrecked mess of a boy laid crumpled in a heap on the cold tiles. He could see me now! I could stop him.

"Jason! Stop this! I love you, okay? I love you," I cry.

He didn't hear me, yet he looked hatefully into my pleading gaze.

And tipped the bottle into his mouth.

I screamed and my throat actually hurt and I was crying but I couldn't move as he convulsed on the ground and choked and tears streamed down his cheeks. Vivid. Real. All real. He's gone. It's my fault. Gone.

I woke up coughing hoarsely and screaming for a boy I missed. The boy that left.

"Adam, Adam, shhh look at me baby, look at me," his voice cooed. He was here. In my bed.

The streetlight outside made us glow orange, and Jason's eyes were watering. The tears that were streaming down my cheeks were glittering in the mixture of lights.

He stood up and kissed my curls, without another word. I didn't need his words to comfort me, just his presence.

He crawled onto my lap and straddled me in a hug, kissing my forehead over and over. He was telling me everything was going to be okay.

We sat on the wrinkled and distressed covers, and it was a moment I could not describe, but I can try.

Pretend you're in your room alone at night, and you look up and the moon is burning your eyes but not to the point where you have to look away. You feel like everything's jacked up but so perfect in this moment by yourself. Think of that boy or girl you love so much, and the streetlight is on your cheeks. You feel like laughing or crying and you can't sleep. A moment of wakefulness and serenity, where you just sit cross-legged on your covers.

This was Jason and I.

We slowly rocked back and forth to a slow tempo, I was still shaking. I wasn't ready to tell him about my dream yet, and he could sense that.

His perfect hair was screwed up for once, his beautiful eyes cloudy. I loved him even more.

"Adam...could you tell me what you dreamed about?"

I told him, my voice shaking.

He sat in stunned silnce, as I examined his worried face.

I just hugged him harder.

-=-

-Jason's POV- (oo bby yuss)

I can't believe he had a dream about that.

About the truth.

How did he know? How did he know about the pills in the cabinet, or my Reasons why I should Die list, or the fact that I hated myself but loved him?

How?

I seriously consider kicking the bucket every day. Every morning, when I wake up, I think about all the rejection and pointless punishments I've felt socially. All the ugly relationships and sorrow. I felt ten years older than I already am, and in this cage of social anxiety nothing works out.

I started to cry as I lay in the bed with a sound asleep Adam.

It was the silent kind of crying you get, like when you got bullied at school and you go home and cry in the closet, or when your parents yell at you and you cry in the shower.

Tears rolled over the bridge of my nose and dripped onto his pillow.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I never meant this. I still love you. You were right, I have a reason to live, and it's you, Adam. It's all you. I'm so, so sorry."

My voice cracked on 'sorry' and I curled up and cried harder.

-=-

The sun didn't wake me up in the morning, so Adam let me sleep. When I did wake up, he was gone.

I woke up feeling worse than last night.

I trudged into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, expecting my usual morning routine and face, but this morning was different. My face was sickly looking and pale, and my stomach hurt really bad. I walked over to the toilet and threw up.

Adam ran up the stairs and saw me curled up in a fetal state on the bathroom rug. He mumbled an 'oh no' and grabbed a rag from the cabinet, wetting it with hot water and placing it on the back of my neck.

I tried to sit up but only succeeded in a wave of nausea I didn't want. I laid back down on the floor and moaned.

Adam's eyes filled with empathy. That's one trait I'll never stop loving about him, is his love and compassion for everyone. His soft-hearted empathy.

He soon gently picked me up and set me down on the bed and pulled out some fresh clothes from my drawer.

"Can you dress yourself?"

I just squeezed my eyes shut in response.

He carefully undressed me, blushing fiercely all the while, and put the clothes on me.

I smiled sadly at him and fell into a troubled sleep.

~~

Whew

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Emily, OUT.

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