Hamilton College AU (ON HOLD)

Chapter 14

GUYSSSSS

This chapter has some serious trigger warnings for suicide mention and the actual attempt at suicide. If you don't want to read this, the next chapter will be following on from this, but it won't need a trigger warning, so we're good. This chapter will be shorter than the normal size. Probably.

Thanks :3

Laurens' Point Of View

This is it. I can't go on anymore. I almost killed Lee yesterday! If it wasn't for Burr... I would've kept punching.

I can't do it. First I ruin everyone's relationships and lives, and now I hurt someone. This isn't me. This isn't right. I can't ruin anything else.

I hold the rope tightly, tying it. I'm gonna do it. I place the rope on my bed, under my pillow, going to the kitchen to grab a chair. This all seems so... I don't know.

I hear the door open and freeze. I move against the wall. It's James.

"John? John, are you here?" It all goes silent after that. I hear the door close, and peek out. He's gone.

James' Point Of View

I run out, trying to stay calm. I saw... I saw a noose, under his pillow! Shit shit shit! Where is anyone? At the bar? Probably!

Why didn't I do anything? Why couldn't I? I'm so pathetic. I can't help him if I tried.

I burst into the bar, giving up on trying to calm down. The tears roll down my face as I approach the group. Thomas is up in an instant. I think it's Thomas. My vision is blurred.
"James what's wrong?" It's Thomas.

Alexander's Point of View

I try to understand what James is saying. I got John's name, but that's it. I'm worried. Nervous.

It doesn't make sense. Why is he crying? What has John done that would make him-

"Noose!"

That's the only word I make out from his sentence. I don't wait, running out of the bar. I can hear two people behind me, and assume it's Lafayette and Hercules. Thomas would stay back to make sure James is okay.

I push the door open, looking around,
"John!!!" I yell, my voice breaking. I almost break down the bathroom door, and see John. His head is through the noose, and he looks ready to push the chair away.

"Stop! Please!" I cry. I can feel the tears roll down my face rapidly. He's crying himself, I can see. I know the boys are behind me, but they don't do anything. They stand completely still, letting me handle it. Ready to step in if needed.

"Alex... Go.. go away. You don't want to see this." He whimpers, to which I step forward,
"No, I don't. But I'm not going away. Get down."

His breathing is heavy, I can hear it from here. He doesn't want to do this, but he.... he feels like he has to. I know how he feels. After everything with my cousin... This doesn't matter.

"No! This will make the world better, trust me. I hurt Lee. I hurt James. I hurt you."

These words strike me harder than anything. He did hurt me. But, it wasn't his fault, I see it now. This is how he reacts. I know him. More than anyone in the world. He wouldn't do that to me. Why did I think he would? I was so stupid.

"Please get down."

He takes a breath, shaking his head,
"Why?"

"Because I love you, you idiot!" I yell, my voice breaking completely. I can't see him properly, and I'm scared. I feel the wall on my back, and assume I fell backwards. I hear the chair fall backwards, and yelp. Don't tell me he...

Please, no...

-=-

Shit I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me, seriously. 

I won't update anymore today, because four chapters are enough.

Don't hate me.

-The sad, sad me.