Depression And I

Suicide and Self harm

Ever just lose the will to live?

It happens quite often to me. I've attempted to kill myself before, multiple times even. Why? I mean, stress from school does not go well with me. I received really low scores on my tests and I was feeling extremely terrible about it. So, I found a razor and tried cutting myself. It definitely hurt. Unfortunately my teacher found me before I could get a full cut in. It has healed by now.

A few years later, I made plans to kill myself again. This time, I wanted to hang myself. I knew that I couldn't get rope without people questioning me so I just decided that perhaps taking some wires from our house and turning it into a noose would suffice. I just needed a place do it because I need something that was sturdy and could support my weight. Otherwise, it would break and I'd just fall down.

Luckily enough, I decided to talk to my school counsellor about it. She said it was an emergency and I had to go home and be supervised in case I do make attempts. Two days later, I went to a psychiatrist. I had been admitted to a hospital for three days to monitor how the medication was affecting me.

The plan has stopped. But now I've made an attempt. Again, very recently. I still have enough control to stop myself because a maintenance guy was coming. If I were to jump in, then he'd get me out quickly and the attempt would've been as useless as last time.

If you are experiencing similar things, please get help immediately.