Undercover

Chapter 29

So, I made my decision: I'm not leaving. I woke up thinking of this. Thinking of how I am staying here actually for Dara, not for X-factor. Yes, it's true. I changed my mind only after the thing from last night with Dara, as you can tell. I guess she is happy that she convinced me not to leave, but the fact that she can control me so easily should actually worry me. Even if I hate admitting it, in this moment of my life, I would literally do anything that Dara wants me to. I am slowly turning into her marionette. And strangely, I like it. Damn, I love her way too much. And thinking of the fact that in less than 2 months ,I am going home, saddens me.
Anyway, I called mom to tell her that I  changed my mind regarding my decision to come home and I could tell that she was proud of me for 'choosing the right thing'. Of course, she doesn't know my reasons. She would have killed me for that.
As today it was a non X-factor day, we had reharsals. And I attended them. Surprisingly. It is the second time in row. I guess this is the only effort which I can make in order to make sure that I am staying here till January 25th, when the final is. Plus, they are actually fun. They seemed pretty boring when I used to (rarely) attend them. I guess it was just because I was without Dara. Or because I was paying more attention to my virtual conversations with Dara. However, this time, I left my phone in my hotel room. I made sure that nothing distracts me anymore when it comes to preparing for the next show, and my phone was, of course, the biggest distraction.
When I left the  rehearsals studio, I was in a state of spiritual peace. Singing has such a good effect on me, especially that it got my mind off Dara. Oh, by the way, speaking of Dara. Guess who I found waiting for me in front of the studio? Well, I guess I gave you enough hints already. Yes, it was Dara. And now, again, my mind is full of 'Dara, Dara, Dara', Dara everywhere. She greeted me with a bright smile, saying:"Hi, Kris!". I replied with a:"Hi, Dara", smiling at her as well. She hugged me tightly, while saying with a cute voice:"My intuition was right that I'd find you here". I hugged her back and I replied giggling:"Yeah, it was pretty fun tho".
Later on, we went for a walk. Around the city. It was something new to me. It was basically the first time when I went out with her. We always used to met only inside the hotel or at the studio. I thought she didn't want people to see us together, as she didn't want any 'rumors' about us. Well, I guess I was wrong. Or maybe, she changed her mind. We are not so undercover  anymore, are we?  Of course, it was just a friendly hung-out, not anything romantic. Which makes me so confused about what she really feels towards me.
After a good couple of hours, we headed back to the hotel. She kept me company until I arrived to my room and as I was about to get in, she said:"Thank you". This 'thank you' was out of the blue, so I asked, feeling confused but curious at the same time:"What for?". She smiled at me and said:"For spending time with me. For going out with me. I really enjoyed it". I smiled back at her and I said:"You don't have to thank me for that. I loved it". Then, she kissed me softly, but with passion, and I kissed her back, in the same manner. To be honest, while kissing her, I had this in my mind:'What are we anymore?'. Sometimes, I have no clue in what kind of 'relationship' we are. But, well, this was clarified by her, after the kiss, without me asking anything:"You're an amazing friend. I'm gonna miss you so much when you go back to Russia, I swear". Myeah...'friend'...why did I even have the intention of thinking that we may be more than 'friends'. Meh. Anyway, I tried to act as if I was not affected by this and I said, with a slight smile:"I'm gonna miss you too". She hugged me and than she said:"Good night, Kris". I said "good night" to her too and then, I entered my room. I don't even know how I am feeling right now. I am both happy and sad at the same time, which feels so weird. I am happy because of the time spent with her, because of how kind and sweet she is with me, because of going out with her for the first time. But I am also sad, because I know that I will go home, kind of soon. And why am I trying to hide it? I am also sad because she still considers me 'just a friend'. I don't understand her behaviour sometimes. She is so romantic with me, and then, she says 'You're such an amazing FRIEND'. Where is the logic? Or maybe it's just the stupid me who doesn't understand it. But anyway, I'm gonna get my mind off it for now.