Cover
I understood the significance of the cover but it wasn't very appealing. The title was also too small. Try to get a good graphic designer who'll make you an amazing cover.
Cover 3/10
Summary
The summary was nice and short but it had some mistakes here and there. You wrote took matter into instead of took matters into.
I also felt as if you wrote has been where you should have used is.
Summary 4/10
Plot
The plot was actually okay. I liked the idea of recruiting a hacker to solve a police case but the problem was the execution.
The story had a lot of plot holes. You didn't give enough background on the main character and even the rest of the characters. Try to build up the story.
I also didn't understand why the main character reacted to the whole can fiasco the way she did. Her brother called her and she asked him if they should ask Cole to help and my question was: Help with what?
The plot also felt rushed because it lacked background.
Another aspect that needed focus was how realistic the plot was. A story about a hacker should actually have a lot of computer terms which means you'll need to do a lot of research to make a realistic story.
Plot 2/10
Descriptions
Descriptions of places
I saw you trying to give place descriptions but I still couldn't draw an image of whatever you were describing in my head. Try to add more of it.
Descriptions of places 3/10
Descriptions of events
First off, you put in a lot of time to describe things that weren't really necessary. You described how she showered and even how she brushed her teeth. Such details are unnecessary. You focused more on this than on major events. You should have focused more on the van fiasco because I really couldn't tell the descriptions.
Descriptions of events 3/10
Descriptions of things/people
You really tried to do people descriptions but what you failed on was the background. For Jason, all you said was that he wanted to steal Cole. You didn't give examples or anything. Try to build your characters more so that they're more relatable.
Descriptions of things/people 4/10
Character's emotions and thoughts
I couldn't really feel what your character was feeling. You did a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. Try to give more emotions even as you try to give the background of some of the characters.
Character's emotions and thoughts 2/10
Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling
The first problem was the mixing of tenses. You mixed present and past tense that I couldn't even tell which one you intended to write with.
Some phrases also lacked whole words. It made the story difficult to read and broke the flow of the story. Try to get an editor to check those mistakes so that your story gets better.
Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling 2/10
Dialogue
The dialogue was okay but it had a lot of errors.
For one, dialogue should always either be at the beginning or the end of a paragraph. When you put it in the middle of a paragraph it draws attention away from dialogue that might be important.
Also, you were using full stops where commas were needed. Dialogue should be something like this:
"Hi," she said.
"Are you," he leaned in closer to whisper, "happy here?"
Dialogue 3/10
Characters
I've already talked about how your characters need more background. Try to give them a story so that they're more relatable. Also, give enough time for the readers to learn about your characters don't rush the story.
Characters 3/10
Total Score: 29/100
You told me to focus on story, plot and character.
I think I've done that. Your story has a lot of potential but needs a lot of work.
Thank you for requesting a review schma10