The Big Book Of Merthur

Oneshot 4: Doubt

Hello, its me again! With a brand new oneshot! I'd just like to thank everyone who's read my book, it means more than I️ can express to know that you guys have stuck with this book. Above, you can see a 100% accurate pie-chart that sums up Arthur's Bane pt1 (first episode of season 5) that I randomly found and screenshotted while surfing the web (the only sport I can do). Totally heterosexual sharing of sleeping places. *coughs sarcastically* what do you mean homosexual sleep scenes? *coughs louder* I have no idea what you're talking about. Homosexuality? *coughs so loudly that Smaug wakes up* What homosexuality? *slowly backs into the darkness*        *runs back out of darkness to post oneshot* and here's the oneshot! Enjoy!       *goes back into darkness, repeatedly muttering 'Homosexuality, what homosexuality' in an overly sarcastic voice*

Doubt

"Wait."

Sh*t.

"Hmm?"

Sh**t.

"You hate Harry Potter?"

"Oh yeah." Vivian sipped her wine and pulled off her trademark hair flip that had already gotten Arthur really agitated. Seriously. It was ten minutes into the date.
"Twilight's much better. Honestly, the best series ever. Bella Swan is just such a role model, you know? She's so pretty, and she can get not one, but two hot guys on her tail without effort, like wtf?"

A quarter of his mind bent over and cringed itself to death at the 'wtf'. The rest of his mind was screaming sh*tsh*tsh*t this was a bad idea; she wears too much makeup, takes wayyy too much selfies, is really rude to the waiter, is narcissistic, and don't even get started on the hair flick. Arthur Pendragon, what were you thinking?

"Uhh, I didn't see anything about Twilight in your profile." Arthur coughed uncomfortably.

"Oh, yeah. My sister said I was more likely to get a date if I left that bit out." Vivian smiled a sickly sweet grin that exposed her (obviously) artificially whitened teeth.

WHO THE F LEAVES OUT A KEY POINT LIKE THAT IN THEIR PROFILE? conscience was going psycho. He knew that it was Vivian's fault, but he was going to sue Tinder after this.

"Well, um..." Arthur fumbled, trying to make conversation with this walking talking blonde disaster, but luckily, the waiter chose this moment to bring them their entree.

"Ratatouille Tartlet with Lamb and Rosemary Sabyon. Enjoy!" The waiter said, before shooting Arthur a sympathetic look, one that said Hang in there buddy. Arthur repressed a groan. He wasn't at all aware of exactly how many people in the restaurant had noticed his state of uncomfort. And to be honest, he didn't think he wanted to know either. Was it really that obvious?

Vivian shot a disgusted look at plate of Rattatoullie Tartlet, as if blaming it for interrupting what, in her oblivious perception, was a good date. Arthur wished that he could just tell her that this whole night was just a feat to satisfy the demands of his father, and just go home. But oh, the conversation with Uther afterwards would be splendid, wouldn't it?

I just don't understand why, Arthur. You have the looks, you have the money, how hard is it for you to just go and get a girl? None of my colleagues have sons who have this problem. They've settled down with respectable women without effort. I don't understand what's so hard. I don't care how you do it; just get a woman!

Hmm, why does those words sound so familiar? Oh that's right; Uther delivers lectures near identical to this one nearly five times a day. A simpleton could figure that nothing good will come of it if he were to confess to his father that he was actually gay. So he just had to keep low and do as his father wishes, for now. For now. He'd been telling himself that for three years.