FOREVER YOURS [ᴋᴛʜ]

IT

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It hurts when your loved ones leave you forever. But it kills when you can't have them in your arms for one last time.

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With each passing day, the number of medicines started to increase to make me breathe against my will. Doctors, my parents were trying their best to help me.

There was a time when I used to cry and pray to God to extend my life, to give me enough time to feel you, to be with you.

But everything changed when my light went away, leaving me alone to indulge into my own darkness.

So I chased my light by ruining myself. If bearing all the pain could bring me close to you then it was worth it.

Week after week, not properly eating, not having medicines made me feel pain, only pain－both physically and mentally.

One is given by the disease and the other by you.

I never got to tell you about my condition. How sick I was, how broken I was.

All because, I wanted to be the reason behind your smile, not your tears. Just like you've been mine.

My pale skin wasn't because I was born with it. My bloodless eyes weren't because of improper sleeping and eating.

It was because of my disease. Sickle cell anemia, I had.

Pain became my best friend for eternity. It didn't destroy me like it was habituated to do and I always wondered why.

Maybe I was destined to live while dying or maybe I was meant to meet you.

Everything was so silent. I was alone amidst the silence. In the lone hospital room, only the beeping sound of machine kept my company. Lifeless, hopeless－I was lying on the bed.

It was not new for me. Hospital was my second home. I've been in here, lying here more than in my own bed, in my own house.

Visiting my grandma, running errands for my mom, going on a tour－lies. Everything I told you were only lies.

For those long days when you were worried for my sudden absence, I had to leave you to deal with my own pain in the hospital room.

I lied to you again and again. Because I wanted you to feel no pain, no sadness.

But look at me now.

The girl who gave me unbearable pain for life, was the same girl whom I wanted to save from feeling any pain.

You owe me.

For the boat ride, you owe me.

Because I don't consider you my friend anymore.

You are more than a friend to me. And I know now what I want.

Please come back or at least take me with you.

Note:

I'm a big fat fan of angst :)