FOREVER YOURS [ᴋᴛʜ]

KIM

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You let me see your heart and I was too coward to let you see mine.

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I always used to think, I was a coward, for not confronting you about my feelings, for being afraid of losing you.

Looks like I wasn't the only coward one.

I read your diary. I now have answers. Answers to all my questions.

I now know why you never questioned my sudden disappearances, why you never suspected my lies.

Because you knew about my condition. You always knew.

I now know why you were so clumsy around me, why you acted so silly around me.

You wanted to be taken care by me.

I now know why your smile faltered.

You wanted our relation to bloom into something more beautiful.

I now know about your feelings. Feelings that were unheard by me.

You loved me. You always loved me.

I still remember how that night I locked myself in the bathroom, how I trembled, how I cried after reading your diary.

I never cried so much. Not even when I first found out about my disease.

A diary. A mere diary made me cry out in repentance.

If I had been a little brave, if I had the courage to confront you, if I never felt afraid of losing you, if this, if that.

My mind was crowded with all kinds of ifs. But one thing was for sure, no ifs can bring you back to me.

So that night I cried. I cried and cried and washed all my agony under the shower that night.

My will of living was slipping again.

I'm sorry Jungkook but your Taetae was always a weak person unlike you.

I wanted to live. I wanted my hope. That's why I read your diary again.

"This diary contains my feelings for a certain special person. If you're able to read this diary that means I failed to convey my feelings to him or maybe I'm no more there to convey it."

The very first words that your diary contained were this.

How I wish it was you who told me these words rather than some piece of papers. I can only wish.

"Taehyung, just know that I can see your heart and your love was never unrequited. I love you and will do the same forever."

The last words of your diary were very unsettling for me. It gave me a vibe as if you somehow understood these were actually your last words written for me.

That night, I read your diary again and again. I don't remember when I stopped crying. I was searching for a source of hope to live again.

That night, I learned about your love for me. I learned my love was never unrequited.

I unfolded an untold truth and found my hope. I vowed to be a stronger person with a will to live and to continue our unconditional love.

It's a promise to you from me, my love.