Katya POV
My hand grazed over his as i slowly lifted myself up from the couch. We had all fallen asleep as we watched The Notebook, Jo on the single sofa, Brian and i lying on the larger one. I checked the time on my watch to see it was 3:45am, apparently i was now going to sleep over.
I sat up and switched the TV off. I looked back at Brian peacefully asleep, his legs were curled up in a ball and his arms were lay out in front of him.
I look at Jo, she was sleeping sitting up- also curled up in a ball. I grab a throw-over blanket that say on the back of the chair and throw it carefully over Jo.
I yawn. I look around the living room, there was a couch left. I knew it was obviously right to sleep on the empty couch alone but a large part of me wanted to cuddle with Brian.
I listen to the good part of myself and cosy myself up on the free sofa. I wasn't tired anymore though. I wish i was because i'm now alone with my thoughts.
I'm better than this. I'm better than him. I don't need him. I don't need to be obsessing over one man when i have the whole world. He's married, he has Jo. He has everything and i have nothing.
It's my turn to have everything.
•
"Gonna stay for breakfast?" Brian asks. I bite my lip. "No, actually. I- I have a date tonight. I was gonna go home and get ready, you know, shower, look presentable." I reply confidently.
"Date?" He doesn't look up at me as he says this. "You didn't mention a date last night."
"Yeah, uh, this guy asked me out a few weeks ago and i kept passing but last night- when you were asleep i just thought; hey, why not. So i messaged him and he replied this morning saying he was free today." I explain.
"This guy? Who? Do i know him?"
"No. You don't. I met him at that Lana concert a few months ago. He called me the next day and asked me out."
He looked up at me. "Few months? You said weeks."
"I meant months."
"That's nice." He says coldly. "Jo! Come and get breakfast!" He calls. "Guess you'd better get going then."
"Hey." I say as i walk up to him. "I'll call you in a while, right?" I place my hand on his shoulder. "I'll tell you all about the date when it's over. Hopefully there's juicy details and hopefully they're all great."
He looks at me with a sorry face. "I hope it's good too. I really do."
I smile. "I'm glad."
I walk out the door without saying a formal goodbye. The awkwardness of the moment had gotten to me and my social anxiety was getting to me very much; even with Brian which wasn't a good sign.
I was telling myself i was excited for tonight. And i wanted to be, i really did- i mean i am! I'm very excited. It's going to be different, on a date with someone new. It was going to be a change but i good one. A good change.
Brian had moved into a much larger house with Chris and Jo 5 years ago. It was more on the outskirts of Hollywood than central; where i live and he used to. Walking home wasn't really an option for me anymore.
I get a text saying my uber was here. I told him to meet me outside a yoghurt shop at the end of Brian's street, i jumped into the car when i made it there.
My dates name was Ryan. When i met him a while ago, i didn't think much of our interaction. He was cute, sure but i didn't think he was going to ask me out.
It was before the concert i met him; we were in line together. "How long have you been waiting?" He had randomly started the conversation. I was in front of him in the line, i came by myself and was just leaning against the wall on my phone. "A few hours. But i don't mind, i like sitting alone. Plus, it's good weather." I answered.
We spoke until we went in.
Somewhere during our conversation i had given him my number and he texted me. It read:
'Hi! It's Ryan. If you don't remember me, we met in the line of the Lana Del Ray concert. I really liked talking to you. Would you like to catch dinner this week? :) X'
It took me by surprise, of course. I said no, obviously. Looking back, i don't know why i did.
I lied, yes i do.
Brian.
I've always held the thought, the dream, the hope that Brian will be mine one day. I realised last night, however that Brian is married and has a daughter and i am no one to him but his friend. He doesn't love me and it was something i needed to get used to.
I was, unfortunately, getting old. Sitting and waiting around for Brian isn't what i should be doing with my life. I've dedicated my whole self to him and being with him.
I was so ready to give up- i was so ready to give up. Funnily enough, i was ready to let go of my dream the day Chris was at his moms and Jo was at a sleepover; he had come to my apartment and it was the first time in 7 years that we kissed. 3 years ago was the first time Brian and i started our relationship, if that's what you could call it. He would come by every few weeks and we'd act as a married couple. Then, maybe only this year, this has stopped happening so much. When it did, it was the best feeling in the world. He would hold me and kiss me and it felt so right.
It was so fucking wrong.
The next day, at a dinner party or a drag show, he'd walk hand in hand with Chris and talk to people. Tell them how happy they were together and how much they loved Jo, they were a happy family.
It killed me.
There was a knock at my door.
I looked in the mirror before I went to open it. He hasn't given me much to go off but said to dress very smart. I was wearing a white shirt, black trousers and black dress jacket- casually though. Casually smart.
I open the door to see Ryan. He looked extremely attractive and he was much hotter than i remembered him to be. "... hey." I hesitate.
"Hi," He smiles "Shall we?" He puts his hand out for me to take. I look down at it and take a breath, "Yes," I reach out and hold it, "We shall."
