Katya POV
I lay there, admiring his face and beautiful features. Everything about him, every last detail. His mouth was opened slightly, little whimpers of snores came out every so often. I was lying below him, his hand was rested on my lower back and the other spooned around my stomach. I was rubbing my hand on the side of his face is a calming manner.
Eventually, his eyes fluttered open and he looked down at me. "Morning." He mumbles, letting go of me. We both sit up slightly. "How long have you been up for?" He adds.
"A while." I reply. "I have another relationship discovery," i begin, "You snore when you sleep now."
"Now?" He questions, rubbing his eyes.
"Yeah, now. You didn't snore back in the day, when we used to sleep in the same beds and stuff on tour."
"Oh yeah. Hm, this relationship revelations are interesting."
"They are." I look down at his lips, "I would kiss you but we both have morning breath."
"Do you have anything planned today?" He questions. I shake my head; "Not that i know of."
"Then we can kiss all day. No rush."
I hun an aimless tune as i vacuum around Brian's apartment. Wow, boyfriend duties i guess. I feel hands snake around my waist, making me jump. I switch it off. "You can't scare me like that." I mumble, turning around to face him. "I'm sorry." He mutters, leaning in to kiss me. "I just really am glad you're my boyfriend. I used to just stare at you and want to kiss you and i couldn't. But i can come and kiss you now." He says, lips hovering over mine.
"You're lucky i've done vacuuming." I drop it on the floor, Brian and I fall on to the couch.
Mid make out, a rhythmic buzz from Brian's pocket interrupts us. We break away from each other. "Who is it?" I question as he pulls it out and looks at the name flashing. "Brian?" I press, he doesn't answer me but answers the phone. I pull a confused face as i watch him speak into his phone.
"Hey." He says, standing up to leave the living room. He puts up his forefinger, telling me he'll be back in a second. I, again, pull a confused face. Where was he going? Who was on the phone?
I hated that i did this. Why did i always think too much? It was probably just someone from his family, or... a friend. A friend i didn't know. Or maybe he couldn't hear properly in hear.
I play with my hands while i wait for him.
"Sorry about that. It was..." He hesitated- why did he hesitate? "Chris. He was just filling me in on Jo." He falls back into the space next to me.
I know I wasn't stupid. He was talking to Chris! Why did he have to leave the room to talk to Chris? "You has to leave the room to talk to him?" I ask.
He looks at me as though he was devising an excuse. Why was he trying to come up with an excuse? He has to tell me the truth. We're in a relationship:m; we tell the truth! "I'm going to be honest, i don't know. Force of a habit, i guess." He shrugs it off as it that didn't mean anything.
I would ignore it if i could. I want to try and trust him, avoid talking about our issues, or Chris or anything. But i'm Brian, i couldn't do that.
"Brian," I huff, "I'm jealous." I reveal.
My eyes widen, his do to.
"I mean, i want to trust that Chris and you... you and Chris are... i mean..." i couldn't get my words out. Why couldn't i get my words out? It was us, Brian and Brian. I can do this. "Chris. How can I not be jealous of your husband?"
"Ex husband, Brian. We aren't in some secret relationship or anything. He's my ex husband."
"Not in the eyes of the law." I mumble.
He chuckles, placing his hand on the side of my face. "What are you on about, babe?"
I pull his hand away from my face. "Shall i start on lunch? I'll make a salad or something." I guess we weren't gonna talk about it. I guess we were gonna confront our feelings. Lucky us, lucky me.
"Brian, can we talk about this?" Maybe i was wrong then. "Please tell me you understand that i'm in love with you. Only you."
"Only me, Brian?" I question. "There isn't a place in your heart that doesn't love Chris?" I was piling in with the hard hitting questions now, i guess.
"I was married to him for 10 years."
"So you-"
"I'm with you. I love you."
"So what? You still kinda have a crush on Chris? I didn't wait so long for you to just get with me out of pity. If you still have feelings for Chris then get back with him." I stand up to leave. Tears start forming in my eyes. Why do these things happen to me? Why can't i be the happy one? Fuck.
"Brian!" He stands up behind me and pulls my arm to face him. I try to hide my face in hopes of him not seeing my ugly high school teenager tears. "He was my husband for ten years. But i am in love with you. I want to be with you. I want to hold you and hug you and you should feel lucky that i'm saying all this without puking or cringing out loud but i love you Brian. I love you so much. The last thing i want is for you to feel jealous or hurt because of Chris. I love you Brian." He declares.
I let the tears in my eyes fall. "I'll always feel second place. Always." I cry, my head falling into the crook of his neck. I let myself cry, sob actually. "I don't want to feel that way but i will. I always will." I pull myself away from him and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "I'm so stupid. I feel so stupid." Why was i acting like a stupid high schooler? "I've waited for you. I've waited for you for so long." My words were hardly coming out. "It'll always be at the back of my head and i don't know what to do."
I eventually find my eyes looking into his. I was embarrassed. I've never been embarrassed in front of Brian before.
"Please don't cry, babe." He hushes, pressing his hand (again) on the side of my face. "I love you so much. I love you more than anything- more than... i don't know. I just love you so much, Brian. You mean fucking everything to me you fucking.. man!" He let's go of me and kicks his foot on the base board of the wall. "Fuck that hurt." He mutters after. "We're not good at this, are we? Talking about our feelings?"
We weren't. We really weren't.
"Maybe i should... i'll call you tomorrow, or something."
"Brian!" I hear behind me as i walk towards the door.
I ignored him.
Space. I needed space.
Second place.
"I don't want to be second place." I mutter, looking at Brian falling onto the couch with his head in his hands before closing the door.
