♡ current mood: lost and sad ♡
I don't even know how to feel at this point. What am I even doing on this earth? As soon as I think someone wants to actually be friends with me the conversations turn dull. My life is such a mess I mean my parents are alcoholics, I'm depressed, I'm the loneliest I've ever been, I'm the most mentally fucked up I've ever been, and yet nobody seems to care. I feel like if something in my life doesn't change soon I'm going to completely break down. I don't even know what needs to change in my life I mean I'm just so lost. I find it really ironic that my biggest fear is loneliness because you'd think after months of being almost completely alone I'd get used to it but I guess not. Today I should have been so happy I mean I got to go to a very nice restaurant and see a movie for my mom's birthday and yet all I could think about was dying. It's dark I know but that seems to be all I can think about anymore. I've tried to tell people but they just don't care because who would care about a lost cause like me. Today I was supposed to be 125 days clean but I fucking self harmed again. I'm 15 years old I shouldn't want to cut my skin because I feel so empty but I guess life is never really rainbows and sunshine especially for a person like me. ♡
