strings• Fack ☆

Eighteen

Finn's journal.

December 2nd, two years ago.
i was sitting alone at lunch, receiving glares. i choked back tears and looked down at my tray in embarrassment. Everyone thinks I'm the one who beat up Noah, that i lashed out at him for kissing me.

Noah has barely been at school and i haven't seen him either. Our entire friend group still thinks I'm the one who beat him up and they won't listen to my constant pleas. My dad (author note: his real father, not his step father yet) has grown agitated with my depressive state, resulting in him smoking his cigarettes to console himself.

December 4th
i stole one of the cigarettes from his pack yesterday. I've seen all the health lectures shit, but i needed something to distract me. i didn't like it at first, and it made me feel guilty, but it was nice to think i still have control over something...anything.

December 5th
i saw Noah in the hall on the way to class. i froze in place and we just stared at each other, both too scared to move. His hair was unkept, his eyes lacking sleep, and the remnants of old and new bruises sat sadly on his pale skin. i could feel myself about to cry at the sight of him so broken, but he sped off in the other direction before i could muster the courage to walk.

December 7th
Sadie and Millie are fighting. Despite not being included in the group at the moment, it's evident. I've already started to hear the rumors Millie's spreading. i frowned as i heard them. i didn't think Millie would do that, but maybe i was wrong. i wanted to talk to her, to see her. i wish i had someone to talk to.

December 15th
Caleb came up to me today. He said Noah told them the truth. i was glad that Noah did, but i left Caleb standing there alone after he told me. What good is it anyway when our group is falling apart?

December 16th
Millie and Sadie are no longer hanging out. Noah is nowhere to be seen again. Caleb and Gaten are off by themselves. Sophia and Wyatt have been slowly hanging out with different people.

December 23rd
It's my birthday. Noah's been diagnosed with depression, he's getting treatment. i wish i could kiss him. i miss Noah. i miss my friends. i hate Noah's dad. i hate Millie for spreading rumors about Sadie being lesbian. i hate Wyatt for still being mad at me when he knows i didn't hurt Noah. i hate myself for everything.

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yes, hello, this was short but i plan to update tomorrow so that's something :)

I'm crying because i have to write all the sad backstory stuff oof pain

-bailey