[4] Breakeven

10 - Caring

10 - Caring

“So…Missy…” Mary spoke up after a while of Edna, Hendrick, her and I just awkwardly sitting on her grey velvet couch. Mary had called me to go up there and there was nothing else I had to do –not that I would tell her that, I was still mad over what she said the last time we went out, when she laughed about my statement of possibly having other plans.

I went up there and suddenly it seemed as if I had been thrown into an intervention. I arrived to her door with a smile that quickly faltered away when I saw Edna and Hendrick sitting on Mary’s couch with a somber face. I was pretty sure the intervention would be for me, though, and I was not sure what I had done wrong to deserve it. I was doing just fine, everything was going great. So, why where they acting so weird? Had I done something wrong without realizing? Did they think I was in denial or something?

Leaving that aside, this was the first time I came back to the university. Mary’s dorm was still pretty much the same way from when I last saw it. Same old, same old. Just some new posters on the wall of her room and her roommate being overly nice because of Edna’s boyfriend. Who would not be like that around him? the bloke was seriously handsome.

I found some people who questioned my absence, and, to my surprise, I answered perfectly fine. I did it without giving much detail but still saying the truth, that I needed some time for myself. The people nodded and after some polite chat walked away. No big deal, I was glad about that.

“Yeah?” I inquired as I shifted uncomfortably on my seat, feeling their scrutinizing gazes on me. My throat was getting dry and I wanted to ask for a glass with water but decided not to, they might use that against me or something. I was quite confused and I knew the less I said, the better it would be for me.

“We found out you have a love interest…” Mary carried on, hesitantly speaking as if I would go mad at any moment. Which I would not…had they not been by my side for these past two months? I was perfectly fine!

My cheeks immediately turned a bright scarlet red and the face of certain sexy lad came to my mind as I looked down to my fidgeting fingers. This was not the direction I expected the intervention slash conversation would take. Why was it such a big deal if I had a crush? Which I most certainly did not. “No, I don’t,” I hurried to say. I barely even knew him! I highly doubted he fancied me, anyway. Not that it mattered.

“Come on, he comes to the store almost every day just to see you,” Edna countered with an eye roll. She gave me a stern look and I felt like a little kid caught on a lie. I gulped nervously as I furrowed my eyebrows together, desperately looking for a way out of this messy and awkward conversation.

“N-no, he goes to visit Lassie,” I defended with a scoff, as if it was obvious. I was not sure why I was so defensive, why I cared so much. But I did, and it did not help me at all. It was almost as if I was trying to convince myself of what I was saying, and I had the slight hunch that they all knew that as well.

“That is the excuse he gives,” Hendrick spoke up with a little laugh and a shake of his head. I glared at him and he only shrugged in response.

“Oh, I’m sorry, mister romance,” I rebutted through gritted teeth. He barely even talked, and when he finally did he decided to screw me over? What the hell?!

“I’m just saying what it is!” he defended as he raised his arms in surrender.

“We were thinking of going out, that way you can invite him and it could lead to a date,” Mary chirped in, before we could start fighting. She had a small and hopeful smile playing on her lips.

“Lads, come on. He is not interested.” I rolled my eyes and gave them a pointed look, hoping they could understand I really did not want to do it. What was the point, anyways? To get my hopes high to then be crushed and devastated once I found out he was just being polite with me. It was true that I was alright, after my breakdown from when I was with Niall. I was in a dark place at the moment and I was alright now. That did not mean I was okay with being rejected, nonetheless.

“You’ll only know if he agrees to go out with us,” Edna rebutted.

“That’s right, if he does, it means he’s into you,” Hendrick agreed as he patted my knee gently.

I huffed annoyed as I rested my back against the couch and crossed my arms across my chest. “Alright, I’ll do it.” They all cheered and Mary mentioned beers for celebration, making Edna thank the lords in heaven for it. I only allowed a smile to snake its way to my lips as I watched the scene unravel in front of my eyes, happy to see I had found myself a niche.

I had learned in these past months that a niche was not a place, at least not for me. To me, a niche was being with people that cared about me. And staring at the people in front of me cheering because I was agreeing to go back into the crazy and wild game of love, I knew they cared.

I found myself caring once again, as well. That was great, I liked the feeling of caring about my future and of eager anticipation of what could come along if I just let loose and broke free.