[4] Breakeven

Epilogue

Epilogue

I knocked on the door, feeling the eyes of everyone around me on me. I squirmed uncomfortably as I gripped tighter at Kenneth’s arm. I heard him chuckle lightly as he squeezed his arm so I could see he was there for me. And I was so glad he was. It was the first time I saw Kaylie, and most importantly Niall again. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

On a cheerier note, Kenneth and I had been dating for about a month now. I could not believe how happy I was. When all of this begun, when I met Kaylie as the crazy ex of Niall’s and then I turned out to be the one out of the equation, I was so unhappy. Not because of that, of course. My problems had begun long, long before.

It was ridiculous, I could feel myself turning numb and it hurt. I knew my sister would have never wanted that. That was what pissed me off the most. I had tried to be strong for her and to leave everything aside. I had not known back then that what was meant for me was to become vulnerable, to deal with her death in my own way. I toughened up in other way –with Edna by my side, not by choice but by command, had caused that. And I had learned to love her, as much work and effort as that was. I had to, she and Mary had gotten along splendidly and now Edna was part of my circle of friends. She did not fail to make fun of me whenever she could, though.

In overall, nonetheless, everything was going great for me. I was back to university. I was talking to my parents again and I had regained my friends and life. I still worked for Lassie, my second mother. We had grown even closer than before, once I had become who I really was, not some bitter and insecure girl. She, along with her family, and my parents had met on a fancy dinner and it had gone marvelously. I could surely say I had two families now. One by choice and the other one by blessing.

The door opened up and my breath got caught up in my throat. I immediately second guessed everything: coming here, my makeup, having brought too many friends, if Niall would kick me out, if Kaylie would punch me. I was worried about what Kenneth would think if he saw who I used to be, but then relaxed when I remembered he already knew, and had accepted me with open arms.

Still though, I did not have such good memories of Zayn’s place. The last time I had come here was to give my blessing to Kaylie and Niall to be together by stepping aside from a place I was never really wanted in. And I had not even told either of them directly, I had told Laura –who I suspected at the time was not very fond of me. I wondered if I was going to see her today. I had not talked to any of them until recently. Eleanor was the one that got in touch with me, since she and Louis knew where I worked. Oh, Louis. That would be another awkward encounter. We always had weird encounters. Oh, this was going to be awful. I had to run away now. 

The thing was, this house brought quite a handful of memories to me. Memories that reminded me of how far I had come. But memories that reminded me of who I was, a person that made me shudder now.

The blue eyes that greeted me were those I had known and gotten to be fascinated by for a long time. But now that I was with Kenneth I could assure myself that I had never loved those eyes or their owner. I had never felt with Niall the way I felt with Kenneth. With Kenneth I felt special, like the only girl in the world and like we were made for each other. The world stopped when I looked into his eyes. With Niall, it had only been a supportive relationship. We were there for each other when no one else was.

“Missy!” Niall said. He looked taken aback, probably no one had told him I was coming.

But instead of panicking some more, I smiled warmly, happy to see him, whatever the circumstances of my arrival meant to him. I was just happy to see that I was past everything. I could feel it, my heart had not constricted inside my ribcage in dread or anything of that sort. I was happy, finally truly happy and I had him to thank for it. Partially, at least.