[4] Breakeven

Prologue

Prologue:

I knocked on the door with one hand while I hugged myself tightly with the other arm, as if I was going to melt to the floor on a puddle of tears and sobs if I did not hold on tight to myself. That was all I had left, after all, myself.

There were tears prickling at my eyes, blurring my vision and making me feel awful even though I knew I had done the right thing. It just felt so wrong and lonely at the moment. I just really hoped it changed soon enough.

It took a few moments of waiting and some ruffling and mutters from the other side before the door was opened. I embraced myself for the odd look I was going to get. And I did get it; just not form the person I expected. I cleared my throat as I looked back at the confused and hesitant brunette in front of me.

Laura was standing in front of me, instead of Kaylie, who I had come to see. “Missy? Are you okay?” she asked as soon as she eyed me from head to toe, not disguising the surprise in her voice. I suppose I looked pretty much like crap. I felt like that as well. I chuckled humorlessly at her question. I felt everything but okay. It was not a good opening line, though.

Today was one of those gloomy days when I missed my sister more than ever. One of those days when I wanted so badly to have her by my side telling me everything would be just fine. I had noticed those days kept coming and more often than before. That worried me. And now, with Niall no longer by my side, I just felt like I might break down at any moment. And I was afraid I would not be able to pick up the pieces like so many times before and go on. It seemed as if it was the only thing I did now. Pick up the pieces of my broken heart and damaged soul. But, was it not all supposed to have healed by now?

It had been a couple of days since Niall and I broke up. It was not even a break up, it was just me finally letting him go. It did not require an expert to know he and I were never even actually an item. He never belonged to me, and with how broken I was when I met him, I was never truly his either.

These past couple of days, after breaking up with him, I had left my apartment and ditched my phone in a trash can I walked past. I just felt like getting lost, going somewhere where no one knew me. Start fresh. But in order to do that, I had to speak with Kaylie first, give closure to both of us on that subject. I just wanted to do at least one thing right.

“Is Kaylie around?” I asked as I craned my neck to see if the brunette I was searching for was nearby. I did not feel like talking with Laura. She always gave me dirty looks when she thought I was not looking and it made me uncomfortable. It just confirmed what I already thought I was around them, an intruder. I had known it all along, I just wanted to ignore it because I wanted to feel happy, something I struggled to genuinely feel lately.

“No, she went out just a few hours ago. Why?” Laura asked as she narrowed her eyes at me. She did not trust me, and at the moment, that just hurt me.

“I needed to talk to her,” I responded, focusing once again on Laura who eyed me suspiciously. I sighed tiredly, really not feeling like talking to her.

“Well, I don’t know when she’s coming back. I can call her if you want me to.” She began to back away from the door but I spoke up to stop her. I just wanted this to be done simply and without much fuzz, just get it over for once and all.

“Can I just wait for her here?” I asked, causing Laura to stop moving. It was not as if I had somewhere else to go, anyway.

She turned to face me once again as she let out a defeated breath. “Sure,” she replied hesitantly as she stepped aside and let me in. I smiled politely although I was feeling miserable because she did not even want me to go in and stepped into the warm house. For some reason, today was colder than usual and the warmth of a house was not overrated. “Want something? I can make some tea if you please.” Her voice’s tone was monotone, almost forced and I had to gulp the sadness and bitterness away.