Wishing I could hear your low voice on New Year's Day/
Watch you shed a tear for living through another year of what hell had to pay/
Hear you tell me that you love me before I leave on a Sunday night/
I wish I could feel your presence in the room and it be true in sight/
Holding your hand is now a dream/
That I wish was I could believe is reality/
But now every New Year's is a shadow that keeps haunting me/
Thoughts become pieces/
Pieces that form sheets of/
Images lined up like symmetry/
Created by my lung being collapsed while recovering/
From the crisis/
And paralysis/
That might just/
Make me cock this shotgun back and turn my face into a bloody mess/
I wish that this day wouldn't have never happened/
Words are like bullets to a window after it's been shattered/
My heart turned to a dry raisin/
Pulse took a vacation/
Voice died for all of twelve minutes but it felt like a longer duration/
Realizing this evaluation/
Is not a conversation/
It's more like a comprehension/
Of "this is no longer an integration"/
And your obituary created proof of a separation/
That nobody wanted in the first place some people believed that you just received your invitation/
From the gates to them it's a beautiful transformation/
I love you grandma and I can never replace you/
You'll always have front row seats at a concert when I start my occupation/
