A Bride For Us

Again

Rejection led to anger, anger to grief and grief, to lust.

The days that followed the kiss and Lily's abrupt rejection, were agonizing days. He watched as her silent presence became worse. After clarifying the fact that she wasn't his dead wife, and storming out through the front door, she had disappeared for several hours, the dough had ultimately become useless, and the children had returned from their forced dismissal outside, to empty plates. Lily hadn't seemed to bother, adding fuel to Raymond's anger. When the hours turned day into night, he suspected she had run off. But then, she returned and without a word to him, stumbled up the stairs and slammed the door.

He returned to sleeping in the barn. Lily had done a great job, he realized, in getting rid of every sign of the fire and in keeping the animals fed and watered. It wasn't until he was working on the farm the next day, did he realize she had done a great job in keeping the entire farm running. It explained her changed features and blistered hands; she had managed to keep an entire farm running, single handedly.

Raymond didn't see much of Lily since then. Choosing to confine himself to the barn and banish himself from the house, his eyes barely caught a glimpse of her and when they did, his mind was automatically taken back to the morning of their kiss. He began reliving that kiss every night, until it became the only thing that occupied his mind before he fell asleep.

At first, he fought it. He couldn't bear to fall in love again, he thought. He couldn't betray Rachel by loving another woman. But the longer Raymond thought about it, the more he knew he didn't love her. Lust, perhaps. All he thought about was the kiss, all he longed for was more of it. It wasn't a longing for her heart, it wasn't an attraction to her, it was a longing borne out of deprivation. No woman had shared his bed in two years and the kiss with Lily had helped to open up that desire in him once more.

He pushed himself to a sitting position on the hay and ran his hands through his hair. So many years, he thought. So many years since he held a woman close.

Perhaps it was time to consummate their marriage? He didn't think he could go another night with this burning desire without being consumed by it. He could take her, use her to quench the fire in his bones, and return to the barn. It was expected of him, right? It was expected that he claimed her as his wife. He had a duty to fulfill, a duty that had been neglected for four months, a duty that would have continued to be neglected if he hadn't gone and kissed her! He groaned once more.

Would she let him? He nodded, she didn't have a choice. She was his to take and his to neglect and tonight, he was going to take her.

He rose to his feet, freezing on the spot when he got to the doors of the barn. What would he do if by some stroke of bad luck, she got pregnant?! He didn't want that and he didn't think he could control that. But he could risk it, he thought. He didn't love her, he could risk it. 

He reached the house and climbed the stairs. He turned the door knob and to his surprise, the door opened and he found Lily lying in bed, a book in her hands. She didn't turn when she heard the door opening, but a smile settled on her face.

“Another nightmare, darling?” She called, not bothering to rise.

Raymond stood watching her. She didn't have her night coat on, just her white, cotton nightdress that clung to her body and left nothing to the imagination. His mind was suddenly transported to the first night she arrived the farm, the night he caught a glimpse of her nudity from behind, and a muscle immediately worked in his jaw. He felt his skin crawl with desire and everything in his body responded to the sight of her.

He entered the room then, at which point, Lily was closing the book and rising slightly. She turned to him, just as he reached her. He watched a frown settle on her face, confusion filling her eyes as she stared up at him. Then, as if realizing the state of her barely clad body, she scrambled to her feet and made for her night coat that sat on the chair close to the fireplace.