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12/23/16
"YOU DIDN'T TELL Cale, did you?" I ask Grayson hesitantly. He's her boyfriend, the love of her life, she tells him everything. But did she tell him about my fake relationship with his younger brother?
Her eyes drop to her lap. We are sitting on the bed in Cale's old room where they are both staying for the next few days. "No," she states, but I can tell she isn't happy about that answer. "I don't ever lie to him, it's something we don't do after everything went down between us," she explains. "But he doesn't know," she adds lifting her bright blue eyes to meet mine.
A wave of relief crashes upon me at the fact that Cale doesn't know about the fake relationship between his brother and me. But then another wave hits me out of nowhere, and it's guilt, and it hits hard. Guilt rises up within me until I feel like I might overflow, because I'm making my best friend lie to her boyfriend. I'm lying to wonderful parents. I'm lying to Clayton, to myself. I'm woven into a whole web of lies, and I can't seem to untangle myself.
"Thank you," I mumble out the appreciation, though the words only fuel the shame growing within me.
"It's not my place," Grayson shrugs. "While I still think it's stupid I understand why you did what you did, you're an amazing friend Hayley," she tells me, a small smile lifting her lips.
I don't feel like one though, I feel absolutely shitty. "Was Cale surprised?" I ask moving the conversation away from myself.
A dry chuckle escapes Grayson. "I would say so," she drawls. "I just don't think he ever expected the two of you together, he always just saw you as my friend," she explains.
"Yeah, the crazy partying slut," I say tersely. I don't hate Cale; he loves my best friend in the way she deserves and more. But I also know he thinks I'm this wild partier, who never takes life seriously. And he's right to an extent that is the persona that I put on every single day. But it's also filled with so many lies, and hiding so many parts of me that want to push through. That have been breaking through finally, cracking the surface of the facade that haunts me.
"Hayley," Grayson says sternly. "He never said that—"
"He thinks it," I murmur out cutting her words off.
Grayson sighs slightly. "He knows how important you are to me. That when I was lost and broken you were the only one there for me, who saw me, who understood me," she says tears pricking her sea blue eyes. "People might not get you Hayley, but I do, I understand the pain and the struggle."
"Do you?" I question a bit rudely letting bitterness explode on my tongue.
She shakes her head. "Forgiving Cale and starting a relationship with him hasn't fixed me Hayley. Cale is amazing and I love him so much, but I fixed me, not him," she voices, the words breaking off slightly at the end. Her words are full of thick and evident emotion. "Things are far from perfect between us, we still fight, and we still want to use past actions to blame one another," she tells me.
