journal

one month later

collyan doesn't mean anything to me anymore really . he really wasn't hard to replace since all we did was have sex lol , there really never was any real love there , just lust . but now im happy with murk , 11/22/17 :)  he really is the sweetest , i mean he showers me with love and material things and its so so sweet honestly . since this is the first 'real' boyfriend i'll have , im gonna treat him right and we're gonna be together for a long time :) and honestly everythings perfect bc all of his friends are basically my friends now and its like his home is mine too <3 and sorry for all these broke ass emojis im on my chromebook in iss lol . and like i dont even care about things he gets me and all that i just enjoy being around him , he's real funny and puts it down if you know what i mean ;) anyways the only problem is he's already saying he loves me and stuff and honestly it takes me a while to get feelings like that for someone but i've been saying it back ,  its not like i dont feel something bc i definitely do and i dont wanna lose him but at the same time i dont think im at that love stage yet and i feel bad for saying it back but i dont wanna leave him hangin ya know ? but i know i really do have feelings for him and im not just bs'ing that , bc i've missed him all day today and yesterday and he makes me smile every time im around him and he really just puts me in a good mood so like i may love him but i dont really know either so thats that lol . i should also mention i saw hayden a week ago today , he has changed and idk if me and him will continue to be friends, but i hope we do . but anyways im finna go watch the rest of ahs like i havent already seen it 15 thousand times already lmfaoooo .