An AR OS Gallery!!! - 2013 -

18.INCOMPLETE DREAM

DEAR DIARY

U have been my friend, oooppss!!! Sorry, sorry... Not Friend, MY BESTFRIEND from the time I was only 15 years old... I have been telling u every, every means every little and big secrets of my life... HAPPY, SORROW and LOVE...

I remember the very first time I got to write, it was my 15th birthday... Mom give me it so from that day, each day whenever I feel like I should write down so I could remember the days of my best life and as well as my bad days...

It's been 15 years u r as my best friend... Now I m 30 years and married to the most handsome, dashing and romantic person in the world... U r not my only BESTFRIEND but from the day he came to my life, he is too...

Ofcourse now he is love of my LIFE...

Never thought our friendship will turn to love as we both r hell different from each other but the day he propose me, it was the best day of my life... Now we have been married for 5 years... Still now, u r with me... Thank you so very much for always being my side...

I know, I know... U will know why I m writing AGAIN... What to do... Whenever I feel sad, u r the best one who would listen to me without interrupt... I just want to share my feelings... My sorrow with u... Telling him about my sorrow will make him sad which I couldn't let him be sad to know I haven't forget about it...

I mean I know he is also sad but now he accept it and trying to move on with the truth but why not me... Why couldn't I try to forget it and move one... Not forgetting is ok I guess but why not I couldn't just accept the biggest truth of our life...

I do everything not to think about it but, I always end up thinking about it... He said its ok but still why I m not satisfied about it... Why it hurts me so much...???? MAY BE IT WAS ONE OF OUR DREAM... We can do one thing but we don't want it... We only want ours....Why GOD is playing this cruel game with me... Why...??? He gave me everything I want but why GOD don't let me be the happiest person by not letting me...

First time we both came to know, we did our best to find a way.... If one way is closed, we search for another way to complete it but in the end we didn't get any hope... Why not...??? I never saw him crying on my whole life I spend with him but that news shatter him to piece I got so much scared, but today he accept the truth and move on...

I know still in somewhere in his heart, he will keep asking the same question... He can get the happiness but he refused without me... Why he love me so much... Why he don't want to get the happiness when he could... He always had the answer...

'Becox u r My Happiness Basket... Without u I am nothing... Promise u, we will find a way soon...'

Hearing his calm and love reply, I always end up crying in his arms... Where I feel protect... Where I feel safe and love shower more then I need/ I want...

Again, its a another day of our life... Maybe he don't show how much it bother him... He keeps himself so drown into his work, he didn't get time to look around the world other then me... His love for me haven't change... He try his best to cheer me but this world is not letting me forget this... WHY ME...

I am not a girl who cry about my faith but today, not today... From few years, whenever I remember it, it make its way into my mind to make me cry on my faith... I started to accept the truth with the help of my husband...

Whenever I feel sad about it, I end up telling u but never let the tears come out from my eyes... All the crying is done by my heart now... My face shows a smile only he knows how fake it is becox when I smile from my heart, it reach to my eyes... He says it...

I changed my self a lot... Before, I used to roamed around with my friends and family... Help anyone I could, from my heart... I used to be happy in others happiness... Never feel jealous for others happiness... Specially for kids/babies...

I love to be around small children but now, I feel sad to see others happy becox of my faith... I feel jealous to see others happy with their family becox of my faith... I know it's not good but I couldn't help my self... I stop going out with my friends... My family.... Just only with him I spent quantity time, that too in our sweet home... Like him, I keep myself busy in work most of the time...

I stop being around kids... How much I love kids, but I wouldn't be able to be around other kids... I don't want becox of my jealousy anything to happen the innocent children's... U know the reason all this kind of behavior... I always keep asking my self... WHY ME...???

I know there r people like me... Not much, still little and I am one of them today... Before, I feel sad but now, I feel special and bless.... It says, everything happens for a good reason... Maybe GOD make this happen with for a good reason...

Our one DREAM left INCOMPLETE but today, we both r very happy... Not becox WE COULDN'T be PARENTS But we can HELP children's who DON'T have anyone to CALL their PARENTS...

Yes!!! I couldn't have kids... I have problem... He refused to have his own baby with someone else other then me... I am lucky he loves me so much...

'Riddhima...' I heard my husband calling....

'Coming Armaan....'

Sorry... Got to go... We r leaving to meet few kids who r in hospital... As always we donate money for their treatment, today is the day we meet them again... I accept the truth of I couldn't get PREGNANT ever in my life... Also accepted that I wouldn't get someone Like ARMAAN MALLIK to love his WIFE means me, RIDDHIMA ARMAAN MALLIK... He could have choose his happiness over me but he didn't do it becox he truly love ME and let the INCOMPLETE DREAM to be INCOMPLETE the way it was...

With Love,
Rihoohaws...