Fearlessly Fearful

Brown

I find brown a warm colour. Not because it reminds me of the nice and comfortable clothes I can wear when it's fall time and not because of the hot drinks that heat me up causing chills to go down my spine, but because of you. Because of your ways of being you. Ways I've gotten to know before, ways that captivated me a long time ago and to this day keep on doing it. I thought I could forget them and now I see I can't, for you and your ways of being you live on inside my heart and truth be said I can't find the courage to release and let go of them god forbid throw them away.
I hope you still remember all the memories, good and bad, we made together. I hope you take some time to stop and think about them.
I wouldn't want to say that I hope you miss me, but I do.
I feel like I should be hurt, but I am relieved. Either of them is because of you.
Today I'm sure I couldn't be more grateful for having my heart shattered and partially healed by the same person. Although it seems absurd, the reason I am so grateful is because I was taught an important lesson which is to act, wait and never, never let myself be consumed with hate and desire for revenge but instead have the strength to forgive and start over. I like to think that I was able to teach you that and that a part of the better person you are today was created with my help as much as I like to think that the better person I am today was created with all the little things you put me through. Therefore, I know that the things we put each other through and so badly hurt us in the past are the same things that brought us together in the present. But once again brown is my warmest colour because it is the colour that filled and melted me after blue left me off with such a frozen heart. The only thing there's left to say is thank you...