Half a Man at Best (Sequel to VALERIE)

Chapter Nineteen

The GIF will be explained at the end of the chapter. Wahahah (oh my. oh my!)

~UNEDITED~

Copyright © zylgnagnaba 2014

Solitude. Valerie and I have just mutually avoided each other for last four days after that night when she confessed that I was her problem. I was right – whenever she looks at me is a painful reminder of that unfortunate event. I couldn’t blame her. I was probably way excited for our baby more than her. I have seen the guilt in her eyes for the days spent in the hospital even if she wasn’t talking. I knew she was blaming herself for the miscarriage although I told her seventy-seven times that it wasn’t.

I am avoiding her not because I was hurt from her words. I am avoiding her because I know she wanted space, and space is what I’m giving to her. I respect her decision for not coming back to me just yet. At least there’s still a chance that she will and I am willing to wait. I love Valerie and I will never get tired of waiting, that’s what I’ve been convincing myself with this whole time.

Sometimes, I am starting to doubt myself if I can endure waiting for her this long enough. But the love I have for her is sturdy enough to overrule that hesitation. Yes, I am injured beyond means.  I am aching for her, for our baby, and for what has become of us. But I ignore it and feed myself with hopes of finally healing our relationship and start over again.

I know the pain will be worth it in the end.

I am so desperate to have her back, yet I can’t just hold her captive. Despite her adamant resistance, there’s a part of me that’s pleased by the fact that she wants to fix herself first. She wants to heal and make herself whole again before she comes back and perhaps that’s because she wants to love me properly – without the past haunting us. She loves me, I am certain of it.

Valerie is fragile when it comes to ideas of children and without her forgiving herself from the failure of her first pregnancy; I know we couldn’t move on at all. So I am giving her the space and time that she needs, if that’s the key for her to come back to me in time.

And I understand because what I want for us in the future is to look back to the past with smiles on our faces, rather than frowns and tears.

“How long have you not been talking?” Niall pulls me out of these thoughts and I turn my head to look at him. We are standing next to each other in the makeshift altar inside the conference hall. We have been rehearsing for the wedding ceremony for the last one and a half hour already. Most of the time was just consumed by the other lads fooling around.

And this is actually the first time that I have seen Niall more serious in my entire five years knowing him. I can only see the glimpse of his white teeth whenever he beams at Bree doing her practiced slow walk down the makeshift aisle.

“Five days now.” I answer his question simply while we watch Perrie and Zayn walking towards the altar arm in arm before proceeding to separate sides of the room. Next come Eleanor and Louis, and behind them are Liam and Valerie.

I notice how Lux is giggling with two other flower girls behind us, so I turn around and give them a sly smile. Lux has become lady-like over the years. How does she grow up so fast? I feel old.

“I thought you two have already made up. Like I mean, got back together. You seem fine the day we picked Bree’s father up from the airport.” He shrugs. “Bree and I kind of assumed…“ He trails off, his brows are slightly furrowed.

“I had assumed too.” I say before heaving a defeated sigh.

I stand up a little straighter this time when Liam and Valerie’s turn to walk comes. I try to make my gaze a little less intense but I guess it didn’t work because her brown eyes met mine for just a fleeting second. She’s the first to look away, granting a meek smile to Liam as they reach the end of the aisle and proceed to opposite sides.