Wild Girl ✔️

chapter 15: lips

Rose

I only noticed my hands were shaking when the door was closed and Sebastian's shadow had faded from my porch.

His girlfriend was dead.

My boyfriend was dead.

I sucked in a sharp breath, pushing away the similarities we shared. My trembling hand reached towards my face as my thumb brushed over my lips — he kissed me.

And I regretted it.

Sebastian was lonely, I realized. How could he not be when he'd spent the past two years out here alone? His only company a figment of his imagination...

My crazed laughter floated through the empty cabin. Since when had I become the stable one?

Two damaged people could not form a whole. If there was anything I was certain of, it was that.

Walking to my bedroom, I forced myself to ignore any and every thought of Sebastian. I moved here to grieve and face the pain of Caleb's death in solitude. Clinging onto Sebastian as a way to make me forget was not healthy and I refused to use him like that.

I could kiss a million different lips and none of them could replace Caleb's. It was silly of me to seek comfort in Sebastian's.

I flopped down onto my bed, the photo frame of the two of us staring back at me from the wooden dresser.

"I miss you, Caleb," I whispered to no one. The words floated around me before drifting away, unacknowledged.

When Sebastian had told me he could see Violet — that he could talk to her... I hated the flash of jealousy I felt. Why couldn't I see Caleb? Why couldn't I still talk to him?

That's not fair, was my initial thought once the shock had subsided.

But after seeing the pain in Sebastian's eyes, after hearing his story about how Violet's ghost haunted him, preventing him from moving on with his life... I felt sad.

I loved Caleb more than myself. I would give absolutely anything to have one more minute with him — one more second. But an image conjured up by the courtesy of my mind wasn't him.

I wondered how Sebastian had coped with spending the past two years talking to his dead girlfriend. Or if talking to her was his way of copping ... Either way, it wasn't healthy. But who was I to tell him that?

Part of me suspected that was a better way to grieve then attempting to sleep with men you've known for a few weeks.

Grabbing the pillow resting next to my head, I slammed it over my face. My mind was kicking into overdrive and I had to sleep before I drove myself crazy.

Maybe then I'd start seeing Caleb, too.

Too soon, I thought, rolling my eyes before they found their way back to the photo of Caleb and I, as they always did, and lingered there for a moment.

Caleb's sparkling green eyes were my last sight before I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up before sunrise the next morning, threw on a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and my hiking books, and dragged myself into the woods with a backpack strapped to my back.

The sound of paints jingling in my bag was my soundtrack through the trees — that and the crunch of twigs under my feet.

Last night, sleep had made me realize two things:

One: that I should look for healing in painting, not Sebastian's lips.

And two: I really shouldn't look for anything in Sebastian. Hence the early morning departure and obvious avoidance of all potential human contact with men with dark eyes and long, black hair that wore beanies and —

This would be harder than anticipated.

I stumbled into the clearing, my lungs burning and legs aching, and flung myself down onto a rock, the flashlight crashing onto the damp ground. Based on the time my watch displayed, I had less than five minutes until sunrise.

Glancing at the sky, the night's darkness began to fade as an early-morning blue crept through. I could see the edges of yellow trying to break free as I grabbed my bag frantically and pulled out all the paints and the canvas I would need to capture this moment.

As I sat on a rock, the sun broke through the horizon and I began to paint the brilliant yellow orb as it drifted into the sky, replacing blue with a blinding yellow. Each brush stroke felt like therapy — a stroke for every wound in my heart.

But I knew it wasn't that easy. Especially since I began to see Caleb everywhere.

I could see him in the early morning dew covering the grass and the smell of flowers coating the woods. In the way the sun rose into the sky and seemed to overpower everything else. He was with me as I painted and if I focused closely enough, I could hear his hoarse laughter beside me and feel the feather light touch of his palm on my thigh.

Painting had always been our thing — after all, Caleb was the subject of my very first painting. He suggested a grand debut: a nude painting of him to launch my artistic adventures.

However, to his disappointment, I decided a painting of his face would suffice and spent the entire afternoon painting him, then repainting him in different lights and hues until the grass in his backyard was coated with every colour of the rainbow.

Caleb was the beautiful subject for all my paintings and recreating his face onto canvas had quickly become my favourite past time.

Of course, he eventually convinced me to paint him nude. Not to either of our surprise — we both knew I would do anything he asked.

I still had that painting at home, stored into the depths of my closet were no one would ever find it.

I felt my cheeks break into a smile as I continued to paint the sunset. I dipped my brush into an emerald green and dusted it across the abundance of yellow on the canvas for no reason other than it was the colour of Caleb's eyes and, this way, it was like he was in the sky, too.

Setting the painting aside, I tugged my knees to my chest and watched as the sun reached its peak, warmth radiating downwards and warming my bare shoulders.

It was only then that I realized that people may die, but they never truly leave.

____

please tap the star and vote !

i have risen from the dead. ok, SO sorry about not updating WG for like 2 (3?) weeks but I've been dying with school work and other writing commitments — but I am back now (with a short and perhaps disappointing debut but a debut nonetheless).

anyways, this story will begin to have regular updates again so bear with me. ok, bye! hope you enjoyed this chapter :)