The Bucket List

Chapter seven

Chapter seven

Toby groaned as I rolled my hips into his and breathlessly bit at my lip, pulling back roughly and raising his hands to my hips above him. He scratched at my boxers desperately and I rolled into him again roughly making myself moan. Toby slid his hands up my shirt and up my abdomen to my chest, caressing my nipples roughly. I moaned and hooked my thumb in his boxers, jerking them down and making him hiss in pain as I grazed his erection. "Sorry." I gasped. He took hi has from me and I sat on my knees, jerking my own boxers off and awkwardly wriggled them off one leg at a time. Toby pulled his off easier and jerked his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. I pulled mine off slowly and leaned over him to reach in my suitcase, which was on the corner of the bed where we had just gotten dressed. I picked up the bottle of lotion just as Toby clamped his mouth to my nipple making me gasp and drop it. Toby pulled away and I watched it roll across the door before it softly hit the wall across the room. Growling from frustration I pulled back and slapped his chest. "Toby!"

He sighed and dropped his head into the pillows. "I like it when you scream my name from pleasure not from sexual frustration."

We stared at each other for what felt like minutes before I scoffed and slid off him and hopped across the cold floor to pick up the bottle. When I picked it up I looked at him only for him to start laughing. "Do you want me to leave you to finish yourself?" I growl.

He immediately stopped. "You wouldn't."

I smirked and leaned my back against the wall and slid my free hand down my abdomen. "Oh, but I would."

He watched me intently and clenched his jaw. "Would you?"

I opened my legs and cupped myself, immediately gasping and bending my knees slightly as I slid down the wall a little. "I could finish myself." Toby doesn't answer and I let go of myself. Pushing myself off the wall, I slowly walked to him and slid my leg over his hips to settle on too of him. "Tell me that you want me."

Toby's eyes widened and his lip trembled. "I need you."

I rocked against him and opened the bottle of lotion with trembling fingers. My nerves were getting to me. I rocked against him again and soaked my fingers. I stared at them but I couldn't will myself to put them in me, but if I didn't do it, I would be disappointed in myself. With a heavy sigh, I lifted myself and pressed my fingers to my entrance. I tried to push them in but my hand felt frozen.

"I can't do it." I whimper. I had lost my confidence already. What if I was bad at it? Or good at it? Both scared me. Toby made a move to roll us over but I stopped him. "I want to, I need to." I needed to feel in control, of something at least. I wasn't in control of my own life worth a crap, I needed to at least be in control of sex at least once.

I closed my eyes and I shoved my fingers in, non-to gently. I trembled but continued to spread the lotion inside me, twisting them roughly like Toby would. But it felt wrong, it didn't feel good and it didn't feel bad. I couldn't even freaking masturbate in control, I can't do anything. I thought I had finally found something I could control, and I lost it.

Ugly salty tears rolled down my face and I pushed off the bed away from Toby, moving to the bathroom where I planned to lock myself in. But Toby got off the bed quicker than me and tackled me to the ground, holding me as I sobbed. "I can't do it! I can't do anything!"

"What are you talking about, baby? Tell me what's wrong." Toby tried to get me to look at him, but I couldn't.

"Everything is slipping away from me! I want to feel in control of something! And I couldn't do it!" I sobbed.

"You were in control of me earlier, the way you made me feel like I had to have you. You made me feel like I was in a spell, doing whatever you said because it felt like I was supposed to. You were in control then." He rolled me over and wiped my face, smiling as he kisses my nose. "Try again, don't lose you confidence."