| Reddie & Stenbrough Oneshots | ♡

Secret Admirer | Reddie

A/N: this is definitely one of my fave stories I've ever written. If you want a part two, comment below!

Eddie's POV

Something isn't right. Richie has been acting weird lately. He's been acting like he's... hiding something from me. This isn't right, there's got to be something wrong for him to be hiding something from me, his best friend. I mean, we tell each other everything. Maybe I'm wrong, and I pray I am. I'm probably just overanalyzing again.

I rode my bike home from school, like usual. As I arrived at my house, my mom was passed out on the couch, as always, so I just went straight up to my room.

I took a moment to brace myself before taking things out of my backpack to begin my homework. As I pulled out one of my textbooks, I saw an envelope fall out. I picked it up and saw it had "EDDIE" written on the back in bold letters. The handwriting looked familiar for some reason, but I couldn't quite place it. Messy, but still neat enough. My first thought should've been was "How the hell did this person get into my backpack?" But instead, I threw all logic away, opened the letter and began to read.

"Not the be cliché, and not to be dire
But hello, I am your secret admirer
Not that I'm too scared to say it to your face
But if you want me to, I'll go over to your place ;)
I may need glasses to see
But I don't need them to see a future with you and me
I know that this letter won't do me any use
But let's just say, I know how to seduce ;)
All jokes aside, I think you're adorable
Even though you find me deplorable
You know who I am, I just don't wanna say it
You'll probably hate me after this, but I don't wanna quit
If you find out who I am, please don't kill me
Oh, one more hint! My last name starts with a T!

Love,

Your Secret Admirer "

I stared at the letter, my mouth agape at what I had just read. I was stunned for a moment, just standing in shock. Who could've written this? About me?

Of all the amazing people in the world, they wrote this about me. Edward Kaspbrak, the short, gay, asthmatic sissy who was so weak, I could get knocked over by a breeze. (Though usually, it wasn't a breeze knocking me over. It was usually Bowers and his gang of delinquents, spewing slurs at me like their life depended on it.) It's not like I'm special or anything. Who would like a boy like me? Nobody, that's the true answer I knew deep inside my heart.

I re-read the letter over and over again, trying to process who could've written such sweets words about me. I know for a fact that my crush doesn't like me back. Well, let's just start off with the fact that he's a he. I knew it wasn't right to like boys, I always have. Liking boys was never okay, and god, did everybody around me like to shove it in my face. My mom claiming that any man that isn't a hyper-masculine dude-bro is "a disgusting sodomite." Henry Bowers shoving me into a locker, spitting in my face and calling me... names I'd rather not repeat. So having a crush on another boy is one of the many things I hate about myself.

But, I can't help myself. He...he's just so perfect, and I'm just so... not. Also, he's my best friend. I would never want to ruin things between us just because of some dumb crush. If he knew about how I felt, he would hate me forever. He'd spit on my face like Bowers, push me down ito the ground, call me a pansy, and leave me to rot. But he would never do that, of course he wouldn't. Because he's Richie Tozier. Because Richie Tozier is everything good in this world. Because we've known each other since kindergarten, and he's my best friend, and I might ruin this all just because of some dumb crush.

A terrifying thought crosses my mind. What if this isn't just a dumb crush? I cringed at the thought, that my feelings for Richie were more than just a schoolgirl crush. Something that won't leave anytime soon, despite the fact that it's already been years. Of course, I already knew the answer to this. But the firmness of the truth didn't make it hurt any less to admit.

Whenever I'm with him, it's the only time I feel truly safe, like maybe the world isn't as terrifying as it seems, because how could a world of chaos and greed and pain have somebody such as Richie Tozier living in it? A boy who's glasses are constantly breaking, who doesn't know when (or how) to shut his trash mouth, a boy who's laugh could make everybody in a room laugh with him. Whenever Richie smiles, or makes a stupid joke, or ruffles my hair, or calls me one of his many stupid nicknames he's created, I wonder how I haven't fallen in love yet. And then the truth settles in, and I realized I already have.

Fuck, I am in love with Richie Tozier.

Richie's POV

Yes, I wrote that letter. Did you see that shit? That took me two weeks to write! Two weeks! I even read a dictionary! What the hell does deplorable even mean? Couldn't I have just said annoying, and still have gotten to the point? Only virgins read the dictionary!

Okay, fine. Yes, I may be thirteen and still a virgin, but dictionaries are still lame, nobody can argue with me on that. But I didn't read a dictionary cover to cover for fun.

 I mean, I know the letter isn't fantastic or anything. It's not very poetic and it still reeks of my vulgar comedy, but I really did try. I attempted to write that letter because I felt it was the only way I think to truly get all of my feelings out. As I said, it's not amazing. The big problem is, I've never really been great at using my words. That's always been Bill's job. Being earnest has never been my thing, it's always just been easier for me to make a fool of myself with gross jokes then be honest about my feelings. So yes, though this letter wasn't able to encapsulate all of my feelings, and yes, I did still make some dirty jokes in it, but I hope he knows that I tried. Even if it was using words like "deplorable" and "dire.'' But it's worth it. I'd use all the words in the dictionary for Eds.

In case you couldn't tell, I like Eddie. Since I can remember honestly. From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I fell, and I've kept on falling ever since. Hard. Every fall harder than the last, diving deeper and deeper into an endless rabbit hole with no escape. It was impossible to not fall in love with him. How could you not? He's perfect, just everything about him is utter perfection. He's flawless, captivating, damn it, I'm running out of words. Maybe the dictionary did help a little...

These big, fancy words are the closest way I can describe my feelings for him. But there aren't enough fancy words on this Earth to describe how perfect this boy is. He always knows how to cheer me up when times are tough, makes me happy when I'm sad. He is the sun, shining so beautifully onto an otherwise dark life. His smile could light up a room, and it does. He's the light of my life. 

But I can't actually tell him any of this. He would hate me, and never want to talk to me ever again. I can't risk losing him, even if it means I have to hide all of my feelings from him for the rest of my life. It's hard hiding in the freezing dark, teeth chattering in the pitch-black, when the sun is right out there waiting for you, radiating its warmth and light to over everything but you.

I'm in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, and probably forever will be.

Fuck, Eds, why you gotta do this to me?