for that they wanted to end their life. they wanted to end all of it immediately. temporarily, no, permanently. once you slit too deep it's over, once you hang for too long it's over. it's over and never will they come back. never to laugh again, never to cry again, never to feel happiness again, never to feel the warm touch of a friend or any other human figure. to die and to keep their hurt and their pain with them and die a sufferable death not wanting to be here anymore. not wanting to see the smiles of joy when they tell a joke or to see the sadness and despair upon other peers as they hear the news of what's happened. it's not okay and it will never be okay. They will never be okay, maybe they will get better but they will always be afraid.
today they told me that they would not live to be an adult, they didn't want to. they don't want to face reality and responsibilities of raising another, or paying taxes or "adulting". their too afraid and I agree.
they don't want to be here. they inflict images of cutting themselves with plastic cups and mechanical pencils when it doesn't do anything yet, it does. yet all it does is leave a red streak of disappointment and failure to do what intended, it still leaves a point where they wanted to do it and where the imagery of pain came back. the so quick amount of soothing sick pain.
they can't do it though. they can't continue this life. this life is for the strong, not the weak. So they say. I say there wrong. I say they can do it, I say that anyone can continue. I believe that this life was intended for all, not just the strong but also for the weary and the broken. all people were made here and if it wasn't for the broken then nobody would pay attention to the fact that things are broken.
this world is broken but it is what it is. nothing to fix it, nothing to change it. all we can do is hope. and for the love of God I hope they don't end it. I hope they don't die and keep their sorrows for themselves, but to talk about it and to understand that we all are afraid. even the strongest, while the weakest are at their highs.
