Cavities on a Stick

You can die at 4 a.m.

Around 4 at night, I woke up with a start to my alarm going off, but it was Ann's phone, she probably forgot it there.
Who's calling for ransom at 4 in the morning?

I grabbed the phone but before I got a chance to answer, the door to the closet creaked open and Ann walked in wearing a black bra, panties and hair covered by a bandana.

"Bloody hell did someone die?" She asked.
"What's up with you?" I asked.
"I was spray tanning." She said. "Wanna look my best incase someone dies."
"At 4 a.m?!"
"Yes, people are capable of dying at 4 a.m." She said.
"I meant tanning!" I snapped. "Are you gonna answer that?"

"Dear God don't let it be Aunt Gal!" Ann said but didn't make any move to reach for the phone. "Let it be Elordi instead."
"Why, did he say he'd call?"
"Die!" She yelled. "Let it be Elordi!"

"Ann show some respect." I gasped. "He's your godfather."
"Not by my consultation."

I rolled my eyes and answered the phone. "Hello."
"Lulu Warrior delivery guy." The voice said. "Can't find your house ma'am."
"It's some delivery guy."
"It's mine." Ann jumped, dropping the self-tan bottle.
"5th street from the Palm roundabout." I said into the phone. "4th house on the right, white gate."

"Ann it's getting all on the floor!" I yelled once the call was over.  "What did you order?"
"Cauliflower nuggets."
"At 4?!"

The phone rang again. "Good God, Hello?"
"Ma'am what's the Palm entrance?"
"The palm roundabout," I corrected. "It's a legit roundabout with five palms as the centre piece, sir where are you?"

"I'm standing next to a handmade candles' vendor beside the hospital."
"That's like 2 kilometres away from the roundabout." I said throwing a box of tissues at Ann. "Drive straight on the red road and turn left after the Tinker theatre. The roundabout on that road."
"Thank you, Ma'am."

"Cauliflower nuggets?" I asked. "What's that?"
"Cauliflower... nuggets." Ann said rubbing the floor clean.

The phone rang again.
"Yes?"
"Where was I supposed to go after the roundabout?" He asked.
"Sir, do you not have my address?" I asked.
"The address says, Street 5 top, no house number."
"House number AJN-18 ZZ 5/89 left FR." I said. "And I'm not kidding."

There was utter silence on the other end.
"How about you come to Siege Drive Street, I'll meet you at the corner."
"How'd I know it's you, ma'am?"
"You'd know." I smirked. "I'm half tanned and I'd ask for nuggets."
"No!" Ann shouted, scrubbing the floor.

I hung up. "Go get the nuggets."
"I am not!" She said. "Ella I'm tanning."
"You've been here for five minutes." I said. "Clearly it's no continuous procedure, go get the nuggets."

"Why can't he deliver to the doorstep."
"To be clear he isn't going to drop it at our bedroom doorstep," I said, "so you're gonna have to go all the way to the gate anyway, a little up the road won't kill you."

The phone rang again. "Yes?"
"I've here, ma'am."
"Thank you." I hung up. "Attaboy."

Ann brought in a paper bag, now wearing a purple night gown.
I sat up and took the khaki bag from her. Inside the cardboard box sat beautifully golden nuggets with hot sauce on the side. I stuffed one in my mouth.

"Tastes horrendous." I said whilst chewing.
"Tastes like health to me." Ann said stuffing one in her mouth.
"Why'd you order them anyway?" I asked.
"This isn't my order." She said in a British accent picking up another nugget. "Mrs. Fisher's landline line got mixed with ours, couple of hours ago, heard her order these."