A Letter to Him

On letting go

Tuwing papalapit kami ni Chum sa table kung nasan ang barkada, alam ko na ako at si Chum ang topic. Hindi ko alam, pero bakit hindi ako naiinis pag may suspetsya sila kung kami na nga. Bestfriend ko to, ayokong masira ng ibang klaseng relasyon kung anong meron kami ngayon. Masaya naman eh.

"Guys, maglunch na tayo?" I asked them, nung malapit na kami sa table.

"Kayo na ba?" Tanong samin ni Gab

"Ha?" Halos sabay pa kami sumagot ni Chum.

"Alam ko na ang sagot jan, 'We're just friends'. Tama?" Biglang singit ni Andrew.

Di sya nagsalita. Di na lang din ako kumibo. Kahit biro lang, parang gusto ko madinig na may gusto sya sakin. Hay. Ewan ko.

Maraming chances na ang nangyari, sa tuwing andun si Chummy na hinihintay ako, lagi naman dumadating si Jeric para mag offer na ihatid ako pauwi. Kung sabihin lang sana nya na sya ang kasabay ko, tatanggihan ko offer ni Jeric. Pero kahit minsan, di nya ginawa. Wala siguro syang pakelam.

"Nagbake si mommy ng chocolate cake." Inabot nya sakin yung container ng cake. I love this so much, lalo na pag chocolate cake. I gave him my sweetest smile. Actually, automatic naman yun pag may nagagawa syang nagugustuhan ko.

"Alam nya na magustuhan mo eh. So she gave you a slice.." sabi nya sakin.

"Syempre no! This is my fave!" Bakit kaya di man lang nya itanong kung nakauwi agad kami yesterday. "Nagmall pala kami before umuwi. Kumain muna kami sa resto. Mejo ginabi na nga eh, pero kinausap nya si dad." Di ka man lang kasi magtanong. "Ang sarap naman." Iniba ko na lang usapan para wala na sya sabihin.

"Nagustuhan mo nga, I'll ask mom to bake some more para makatikim din sina Tita Mara." Wala na nga sinabi about don.

"Hi Tanya. Shall we go?" Si Jeric

"Ay. Oo nga pala. Muntik ko na makalimutan. Mm, he invited me for lunch nga pala." kapag sinabi nya na magkasabay kami, hindi ako sasama kay Jeric.

"Ganun ba? Ok lang. Sasabay na lang siguro ako kina Andrew." Tumayo sya at ngumiti sakin. Okay lang ata na hindi nya ko kasabay.

"Sure ka? Sorry ha, di ko nasabi agad.." Inayos ko na alng gamit ko at umalis na lang ako.

When Jeric asked for his name, pinagdasal ko na wag nya banggitin. Nasabi ko kasi kay Jeric na may gusto na kong iba, he insisted na malaman kung sino, kaya sinabi ko name ng bestfriend ko.

Hindi ko alam kung san dapat bumalik. Kung iisipin, ang daming chance na sana pinigilan nya ako. Magsabi ka lang sana o kahit magpakita na ayaw mo ng may nanliligaw sakin. Pero kung okay lang talaga sayo, I'll give Jeric a chance. Hindi ka nagwarn about him, kaya I'll assume na approved na sya sayo.

Bago umalis ng bansa ang bestfriend ko, naging honest na sya sa feelings nya para sa'kin. I felt sad and happy at the same time. Siguro kasi naliwanagan na ako. Hindi ko na kailangan ng explanations nya, naintindihan ko na kung bakit nagparaya sya. I want to thank him for being the person I expect him to be. Lagi syang may matinding rason sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi ko man yun maintindihan agad, pero kailangan ko lang pala talaga na magtiwala sa mga decisions nya.

Kahit masyado na huli ung pagsabi mo sakin ng feelings mo, I'm still happy, at least you cleared things out. We've wasted so much time or let all chances between us pass. Kahit hindi man naging tayo, I know you've chosen the best for us. Marami na din kami napag awayan ni Jeric, gustong gusto ko magopen sayo, Chummy. Pero baka sisihin mo lang sarili mo.

I keep on living in the past, those what ifs and if onlys. Pero may boyfriend ako, tama nga ang bestfriend ko. si Jeric dapat ang iniisip ko.

After my bestfriend left, Jeric handed me a letter. His eyes were quite teary but it wasn't sad - it looks more like being thankful. And I read:

Make everything worth it. All I ask of you is to appreciate her. She's no ordinary girl that you can mess up with. The moment that you do, I'll come after you.

I know you have your ways to show how much you love Tanya. Maybe you can consider some of what I'm about to say. Don't give her flowers, give her chocolates instead. When she sulk, buy her ice cream of any kind. Trust every word she'll say. If she says she's okay, wait til she blinks and look towards her left, she's lying. Again, buy her ice cream. She loves her parents so much, yes, do bother to visit them some time. Don't say words that you can't take back. Never lie to her. Well, it's all I can share as of now. You can still ring me if you think you might need a hand.

Oo, hanggang ngayon pinagsisihan ko yung araw na sinabi kong bestfriends lang kami. That I won't go after her when you court her. But I can't take any chance on something that I know I might lose her if things went wrong. I value our friendship, it's more important to me. I don't want to risk it to something that might not be mutual. I loved her with all that I am. I wrote the letter while thinking about her. It's the best that I could do for both of you.

-Arthur

"He's the kind of guy I look up to. I wish to have known him earlier. I was thinking about the exact person that you were telling me that you were in loved with. He's your Superman, isn't he?" Jeric smiled at me. A gentle smile that shows understanding.