You had butterflies beating up your stomach again when you walked into the small Italian restaurant where you'd agreed to meet. You were five minutes early, but Laurens was already there, looking irresistible in a green-and-white plaid shirt. And it was just him. Your gut plummeted. His eyebrows shot up when he saw you.
Shit, you thought, I must look horrible.
"What?" you asked, a nervous giggle escaping your lips.
"You look amazing..." he said breathlessly. You felt you face heat up. You ducked your head and laughed quietly to hide your now-flushed face.
"I've never seen you wear makeup before," he said, not taking his eyes off you as you slid into the booth.
You smiled. "Sorry. My roommate made me."
"No, no, it looks incredible!" he said quickly.
"So... how come it's just you?" you asked after the waiter took your order. "I thought that the others would be here too."
"Nope," he said, flashing you a smile that made your heart flutter. Then, more seriously, "Hope you don't mind..."
"No, it's amazing! I just... figured you wouldn't want to waste your night with just me-"
"I wish you would stop saying that stuff," John interrupted you.
"Why?"
"Cause none of it's true!" he laughed, although exasperation lingered behind it. "You're the most amazing, beautiful, funny, kind person I've ever met, but you refuse to accept it! You have no idea how annoying that is!" He reached forward and touched his fingers to yours. They were warm, but they made you shiver nonetheless.
"I'm sorry," you breathed. You wondered if he meant it. He stared at you with soft eyes. He meant it. Butterflies was not a strong enough word to cover it now.
Your stares were interrupted by your food arriving. Unfortunately, your blush refused to cease.
"Sorry," Laurens said. "I just... I don't know."
The rest of dinner was an awkward silence that was a heavy stone in the bottom of your gut. You didn't even come close to finishing your meal.
After Laurens had paid for dinner (he insisted), you piled into his car and rode along for a while.
"I'm so sorry," Laurens said as he parked the car, his voice sad. "This didn't go at all how I planned, I feel so... I'm sorry."
Despite yourself, you laughed. "You planned this out?"
He smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah."
You paused, your words suddenly feeling intimate.
"How much?"
"Too much..."
You were suddenly aware of the closing distance between the two of you, physically and emotionally. As he drew closer, closer to you, you reached out your hands and did what you'd wanted to for days - you touched his face and drew him nearer to you.
And as your lips touched, a burst of too many emotions to count rushed through your soul. You felt hesitant, scared even, but at the same time, you wanted, needed more. You felt hot and cold and excited and terrified all at the same time. But one emotion stayed the same, stayed thriving. Love. You remembered the word dancing treacherously across your mind the first time you'd been in this car with him, and how you'd shoved it away, scared and embarrassed by it. But now, as you leaned closer to him, you let it fill you, control you as his lips moved against yours. You were suddenly glad your lipstick had come off during dinner. That stuff tasted nasty.
You felt his arms wrap around your waist. You shivered and moved your hands to his shoulders. You had moved so that you were now in the same seat.
You made a sharp, undignified noise when the chair suddenly made a popping noise flew back. Laurens and you, now laying down, were silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. You laughed and laughed until your diaphragm hurt, at the absurdity of this wonderful, considerate, kind, funny boy having any sort of returning feelings for you.
The two of you lay there for a long time, savoring each other's touch and the feeling of your skin.
"Hey John?" you asked quietly.
"Yeah?" his voice was soft and happy.
"Do you remember when I sang for you?"
"How could I forget?" he chuckled.
You looked up at him and he laughed again.
"No," he told you.
"Come on, please?"
"...Fine."
You smiled and lay back down on his shoulder, listening to his heart beat.
"I'm running out of ways to make see I want you to stay here beside me."
His voice was soft and beautiful and calming, and you soon felt yourself falling into it.
"I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am. So just tell me today and take my hand."
You reached over his body and laced your fingers through his. He smiled and kissed you on the forehead, making your heart flutter.
"Just say yes. Just say there's nothing holding you back. It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind. Only love. It's so simple and you know it is, you know it is. We can't be to and fro like this all our lives. You're the only way to me, the path is clear. What do I have to say to you, for God's sake, dear?"
You felt yourself drifting off to sleep, comforted by Laurens's presence and his soft voice.
"Just say yes, 'cause I'm aching, and I know you are too, for the touch of you warm skin as I breathe you in."
And as you drifted off to sleep, final words lodged themselves in your consciousness, soft, almost a melodic whisper.
"I can feel your heartbeat through my shirt. This was all I wanted, all I want. It's all I want. It's all I want. It's all I want. You're all I want."
(A/n: I feel so sinful right now. Love y'all.)
