(A/n): HEEEEEEEYYY okay I figured I should start y'all off with a warning. This chapter gets REALLY overly personal and I talk about a dream I actually had once (just with other people). I PROMISE you the next chapter is happier and lighter-hearted and I don't thinks there'll be any more chapters like this, though. I thought that this was important, though, because it reveals some insecurities that the main character has, and it's the first time the title is mentioned. Also, sorry for past typos, I was re-reading an earlier chapter and I legit forgot to put end quotes in at one part like a dotard. I'll make sure to proofread and check for typos from now on. Alright, that's it. Enjoy!
That night you had a dream. You looked down and saw blackness. Darkness. A swirling, dark mass that swallowed everything in its path. In it you heard whispers of everything man tried to keep itself away from: hate, fear, anger, and muttering loudest of all, loneliness. You shuddered. You wondered why it was staying away from you, before realizing that you were in a sort of glass box, but the walls were dangerously thin.
When you looked up at the ceiling, you were shocked to see Peggy sitting on top, looking down at you through the glass. As you looked around, you saw that the rest of your new friends covered the walls. Their presence seemed to emit a faint glow that kept the darkness at bay.
You looked up again. "Peggy," you said, hushed. "What's happening? Please, please stay where you are. I think you're somehow... protecting me from this stuff? I don't know. But... please, stay..." You noticed once again how perfect her features were. She was easily the best-looking female you knew.
She frowned and slid off the ceiling of the box. As she retreated into the darkness, you could hear her voice in your head.
Ugly.
The pane of glass where she used to sit cracked.
Looking down, you saw Mulligan in front of you. You remembered how he had been kind to you when he ran into you, even though he didn't need to be. He certainly had the size to pull off being a jerk, but he chose kindness anyway.
"Please," you said. "Stay,"
His brow creased. He turned and left, and you heard his voice in your head.
Rude.
A spiderweb of cracks overtook the glass.
You turned to your right and stared into intelligent eyes. How smart did you have to be for your wits to show just by looking at you? Maybe Alexander would know what was going on.
"Hamilton. Alex, please. What's happening? What is this stuff?"
He frowned at you and stepped back. Lines appeared in the glass, expanding.
"No. No, please-" But there was nothing you could do to stop him. He kept walking. His voice is your head rattled you.
Stupid.
There were only two people left, keeping the glass from breaking, keeping the darkness at bay.
"Lafayette, please. S'il vous plait. Don't go. Come on." You wanted, almost expected, to see his easy smile. He was always cracking jokes, smiling, and teasing his friends. He was just one of those people that you wanted to be around.
But instead of smiling, he just raised an eyebrow and spun on his heel. As his glass began to break, a heavily accented voice rang out in your head.
Awkward.
You turned around.
Only one person left.
John Laurens.
"John, please," you said, now barely whispering. "Stay with me."
You placed your hand against the glass, staring helplessly into his brown eyes. His freckled face shifted into a half smile as he aligned his hand with yours. You could almost feel his warmth seeping through the walls.
But then he was gone, and all the glass shattered, and it was not one word that was whispered into your head, but thousands.
Ugly. Rude. Stupid. Awkward. Dull. Boring. Obnoxious. Annoying. Obsessive. Loud-mouthed. Too quiet. Over-the-top. Too shy. Fat. Lazy. Self-pitying. Arrogant.
As the darkness came at you, pulling you and pushing you, feeling like it was going to tear you apart and crush you at the same time, the voices grew louder and louder. A million people that you'd known throughout your life screamed things at you. And the worst part was; they were familiar.
These people were telling you all the things that you figured they were thinking about you whenever you were the last one to make a joke before the awkward silence, whenever you tried to dress up, whenever you said something you only later realized could have been offensive.
And as the darkness made its way into your lungs, drowning you, a single tear fell down your face.
It was still there when you woke up, Peggy's concerned eyes resting on your quaking form.
