21. when i go on a diet

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Without a word, Junhoe takes my hand and leads me to the busy street of Itaewon. Street signs of every color appear on the sidewalk, each sign screaming, 'come inside!' The crowd fills the air with unrecognized chatter, some coming from tables outside the restaurants we pass by.

Junhoe's plaid jacket flutters between his legs as we take in the afternoon spring breeze. He tugs one side of the jacket across the white shirt he's wearing. His outfit today isn't something that'll make him stand out from the diverse crowd; instead, he looks like one of them. Even without effort on his part, he looks good, something I can't say for myself.

Patting my stomach, I sigh. "I need to lose weight."

With a funny look on Junhoe's face, he asks, "What are you talking about?"

As the cool breeze stops, the breath of the air stills as warm as it can get during this season. I've been patient with the occasional breeze, but the heat's bothering me. I roll the sleeves of my pink knitted sweater an inch or so. Paired with the jeans I don't wear often, it's the only thing I can wear today.

"With all the eating we're doing lately, some of my clothes aren't fitting me like they used to..."

Junhoe lifts a brow. He hooks a finger around one of my jean's belt loop. "This is already size zero. You want to look unhealthy?"

Remembering what happened earlier makes me pout. "Did you know I ransacked my closet for something to wear today?"

A high-waisted skirt is nice for today's weather, not until the buttons think otherwise. I tried my backups, but either they're too tight, they don't look good in me, or I can't breathe at all. With my eyes close to tears, I opted to wear jeans one size bigger than my usual since it's the only one comfy.

People say I have a nice figure, but they don't know it's hard to maintain. Even if I eat good food, I balance it out by eating clean. It only happens once in a while though, and rarely now, ever since Junhoe became my boyfriend.

This man who doesn't look like he eats for three looks good underneath layers of clothing. He goes to the gym three times a week and it's the only thing holding his weight down. Quite frankly, if he stops, he'll be in the same situation as mine. I kind of want him to stop since he's posting topless photos on Instagram...

"Well," he gives me a glance over, never stopping on his tracks as he does so. "you still look good in that."

I frown. He doesn't understand. "I want to wear pretty clothes, Junhoe. Not just this." I pinch my oversized sweater. It would've been ideal if I don't want to make an effort to look good, but today isn't one of those days.

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