Chapter 15: A Deadline And A Flat line

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Chapter 15: A Deadline And A Flat line

It was the end of October and the deadline that the boss ad imposed was drawing near. Every day for a month and a half I had done a full day at Big Hit Entertainment and then met with BTS and Izzy at either their house or a restaurant. I had spent so many nights gazing at Suga as he manned the grill, hitting away Namjoon's hands from the fire with Jin scolding him loudly and simultaneously giving Yoongi cooking tips and stopping the maknae line from being too rowdy in the public space. There was never a dull moment and if that would have been the end of my day there is nothing I would have loved more.

However, I hadn't been to sleep before 4am since the day the boss and I shared that dreaded call. After the meal or time with the members, I went back to my apartment and stayed up until the early hours of the morning working on the projects. It was exhausting and my lack of spirit and sleep had been showing for some time now.

Everyone knew I had extra work to be completing; I just didn't tell them the extent of it. It was fine though; I love my job and was willing to work this hard in order to keep it.

Now at the final 24 hours before the deadline, I had 9 songs to finish. I glanced at the time on my laptop, midnight, if I pulled an all-nighter and finished 4 then it may just be possible to...

...I woke up to my phone beeping like crazy and someone banging on my door; picking my phone up, I made my way over to answer it, finding Izzy ready and dressed for work.

"Girl what the fuck has happened to you?!" She exclaimed as a greeting. Shit, the songs. I don't reply to her and instead dash back to my laptop to find them in the same state as they were at midnight... I must've blacked out again...

I had been passing out working a lot recently it was probably just because I was tired, but I really didn't have the time for it. I got ready for work in a flourish and made sure I had my laptop, it was going to be a push to get this done.

3 o'clock.I had worked solidly without any breaks and finished today's work, technically, there was always more but I begged Unnie and she obliged, saying that there wasn't much I could do until there was a conference meeting with the entire lyricist team. I waved goodbye to her and went to an empty practice room that happened to be the one that I sang with Suga in, plugging in my laptop and working once more.

6 o'clock. A knock on the door disrupted me; I had finished 3 and was halfway through the fourth when I was dragged out of the room by Izzy and into the corridor.

"Didn't you hear me knock?" She questioned, "It's fucking hot in there so get some fresh air and where were you at lunch today?" she continued, interrogating me.

"Working." I answered simply; aggravated that she had pulled me apart from my tasks. "Can I get back to it now?" I asked, my voice sounding surprisingly flat and dead even to my own ears.

"...what," she looked perplexed, "aren't you coming to eat with the guys and me?"

"No." I replied, looking her dead in the eyes. She looked so uncomfortable but I needed her to go so I could get this done, then I could party around with them all I wanted.

Her faced shifted slightly and suddenly she lunged out and grabbed me by the shoulders; "I'm worried about you! Have you eaten today?!"She said, her voice getting louder and more powerful , "You've been like this for a month now, you barely even smile when we're with BTS," She was shouting now, "we all love you, fucking let us care about you!" There were tears in her eyes which threatened to spill down her rage-flushed face.

I froze at her words and I felt a twinge inside me at her emotion. I was doing this to my best friend, treating her like shit. I always seem to mess up with the people that matter the most to me. It was too late now, I could explain it all later, find a way to make it up to her; I had spent too long out here.

Without a word I turned away from her, knowing that I was pouring salt, lemon juice and acid on a fresh cut. I opened the door again, not bothering to turn back and look at her, knowing it would break what little focus I had left and shut it behind me, locking it with a key this time.

I heard a sob and footsteps before I placed my headphones over my ears. God I hate myself. You don't have the luxury of time to feel Y/N, I thought, you still have 5 songs to finish by midnight.

The lyrics came slowly now and the music even slower. My fingers felt clumsy and unco-ordinated on the keys of my laptop and the piano. The same piano Yoongi played which such elegance and passion just under two months ago. I wasn't sure if it was the argument, not eating in 24 hours or the lack of sleep but I felt like I had fallen out of reality.

I rubbed my eyes to find that they were wet and suddenly I was aware of the tears cascading down my face and dripping into my lap. I wiped them on the sleeve of my blazer which quickly grew saturated with salty regret before shivering slightly at a non-existent draught.

I played some loud music in my ears to keep myself awake and tried to keep going. I checked the clock; somehow it was 9pm, how long had I been sitting staring at the screen for?!

I shook my head and brought back my focus, slamming out lyrics that didn't even make sense to my broken mind. So much for quality over quantity.

I felt my eyes drooping, my head immensely heavy to hold up as I finished the 6th song. Only three more to go...

I channelled my current emotion of exhaustion, tired of being yourself and emptiness and managed to complete the lyrics, my handwriting was illegible, scrawled on pieces of paper that swamped the desk. Now just to compose some tunes for them...

I sat at the keyboard completely devoid of inspiration, resting my hands on the keys, the effort to lift them almost too much. I used the four basic pop song chords to make two of them slow sadder ones that I didn't even remember if the artist fitted the style of and the final one, I just wrote down random chords and a melody that didn't sound awful together.

I was finally done. The clock showed 11:48, fuck that was closer than I would have liked.

Fumbling, I attached all 47 to an email for the boss, when I felt hands on my shoulders.

...I was being shaken?

I blinked hard and tried to concentrate on my surroundings, the elegant fingers on my body belonging to only one person.

"Yoongi..." I mumbled, barely coherent to my own ears.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He demanded, furious.

"Get out. I'm working." Is what I tried to say but the words wouldn't form.

"You don't even have anything to say?! Izzy was worried sick and I stood out there calling your name for half an hour before I went and found the spare key. Jimin took YOUR best friend home." He was ranting; it was just noise to me at this point, my heart was racing to the point I couldn't breathe, stars dancing across my vision, blurring his face; I knew it was me who was wrong, I knew I had hurt Izzy and sacrificed the things that really mattered for my own selfishness.

Speaking of which, I turned back to my laptop, to see I hadn't actually sent the email yet. 11:54? I may as well send it for everything I had lost over this shit. I inched my hands onto the desk I reached for the mouse, dragging the cursor to the send button, but not being able to conjure the strength to press it hard enough.

I looked back to where I thought Yoongi still was, by now he was just a blurry figure with a deep murmur for a voice. "Help" I breathed, using my last ounce of strength to reach for his sleeve or arm to tug him to press it for me.

I think he cursed as he bent down closer to me to see the screen. I felt myself swaying and too weak to stop myself, I felt my body slide to the side and in my right ear, a deep "fuck."

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