Dark Poems

'Fun'

Why is it that people have 'fun'?

It's quite useless, in fact.

Why have 'fun' when you can be in solitary confinement?

Why have 'fun' when you can stay in your head and drown in your thoughts?

What even is it?

Is it 'fun' when I dream of drowning, looking up at the sky through a window of water above my head, breathing not air but water then nothing at all?

Is it 'fun' when I take pleasure in being alone and never leaving my mind?

Is it 'fun' when I no longer wish to go places, see anyone, or do anything?

Why have a need for such a useless thing?

It sounds to me like torture.

Having to go places, with people, and things to do.

It sounds like utter hell.

But I think back.

Was there a time when I had 'fun'?

Was there a time I wished to do these things?

Did I used to be one of those people that wish to have 'fun'?

I think at one time I was.

But then things changed. Or maybe I did.

I haven't had, or even wanted to have this 'fun' I've heard so much about.

It was all an illusion. A false image in my mind. I never had 'fun'.

Perhaps I wanted to have it so much, that in my mind I did have it.

But no, looking back, I never had it. I didn't go places, with people, and things to do.

I stayed home, by myself, just thinking.

I didn't have friends. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to do anything.

I played, of course, but with no one.

Perhaps that's what set up my road to disaster.

So why would anyone want to have 'fun'.

This dreadful thing that leads to more dreadful things.

Maybe someone could tell me, their version of 'fun'.

Then perhaps I could know if it's just me or if it's everyone who believes as I do.

'Fun'