Random Stuff

Encounters

This is an interesting event that happened to me, and helped to put something in perspective for me. I like millions of other in this world, am far from perfect.  As a matter of fact I'm quite possibly the farthest thing from. I'm a pretty broken and scarred piece of trash, with a heavy emphasis on scarred okay. Over the years, and sadly the past few months, i have amassed a pretty large congregation of scars up and down my arms and thighs. Its not something that I'm proud of, nor am i ashamed of. I wont show them or speak of them usually with out being prompted, because to me they just simply are. I do not wish nor care to think about what brought me to inflict said pain apon me. And for a few months i wore long sleeves to hide them, only showing skin around the few people i felt comfortable doing so. I remember this one time, i was in the cafeteria at my high school, and some one asked me, in a not so concerning and joking Way, " Yo dumbass, you cut yo self", to which i replied yes, and rolled up my sleeve. When they made the remark, they saw the two on my wrist you could see with my sleeves down. But apon seeing my arm, covered in scars and a few fresh cuts, they took on a completely different tone, immediately humbled. And we then had a conversation on the subject. He never again joked about self harm. I remember another time, i was baby sitting a really close friend of mines younger siblings. and i had taken off my flannel to make them lunch, now mind you, i always had on my flannel to hide the fact that i still struggled with self harm, especially to this person. and seeing as how she wasn't home, i eased up a bit while making her sibling lunch. and i slipped up, after i was finished cooking, i forgot to put my flannel back on. And her youngest brother Sammy, he saw a few of my cuts and asked what happened. And i didn't lie to him, but i didn't tell him the truth, i told him some people were, being butt heads and had hurt me. And i remember he put down his grilled cheese sandwich, and went and got band aids and put them on my cuts. and he said, those people are dicks. Don't let them get to you. And let me tell you truer words were never spoken by a six year old. And you know, it touched my heart that he as young as he was, understood i was hurting, and helped me the best he could. And i remember the only time i showed my arms comfortably with fresh cuts, and i don't think i ever will forget it. it was a late summer day, a few weeks into high school i think. Maybe in September, and i went to my best friends house okay, and i brought along my ukulele, and she brought out her guitar. but before we did anything i had a heart to heart talk with her about my problem, and after covering it, it took me a few minutes, but that was the only time i was ever truly comfortable with my arms being shown as the were and currently are. I rolled up my sleeves, and then taught her how to play a few chords on my ukulele, and played a few tunes on her guitar all while my arms were stinging like hell. and there was no judgement. Was she upset and disappointed in me, probably. but the point was, even with something like that, i was able to relax and find solace in the place, in this person. but this is about something else. recently while working at an auto detail shop to make some spare cash, i was washing a car okay. and i was wear a t-shirt, and one of the other workers made a joke, " hay Anthony, what did you do, go at your arm, what happened, have an allergic reaction" and anther cracked a joke" what did you do, get into a fight with a cat". Mind you these aren't bad people, they just didn't know, and to make things easier, i played along. but it was an encounter that put into light for me how inconsiderate some people can be with out realizing it. And they can never know some times. Sometimes people can hurt others with out ever realizing it. and it just sorta is, doesn't make them bad people. It just is. But it defiantly was an encounter to put this in perspective for me.