Random Stuff

Stuck

I feel as though I'm a wheel stuck in the mud. And no matter how hard I turn or spin, that I can't dislodge my self for the mess, I can only sink deeper. I'm stuck in an unsavory position. I'm stuck under the custody of my mother. And no matter how hard I challenge it, I can't escape it. Because if I could, I would have. I suppose I could have left months ago and moved in with my father, but that isn't any better of an option. My father who is never there for me, and when I do get desperate enough to ask for help, throws it in my face. A man who's family I no longer fit into. No I don't suppose that's an option. And worst of all, it would take me away from the people I luv. Which is never an option. But then again I suppose I could just stay with Alda. But that can't work either. A woman who is and always has put men before her kids. A woman who leeches off of everyone and when she no longer can, blames them when things go wrong. A women who let me and my bother be beat by her significant others, because she "couldn't" tell them to stop. A women who wants to be a mother, but hasn't ever acted like one. Yes I will admit that they both have made sacrifices as my parents, but people can change. And not always for the better. And unfortunately Alda, you just keep getting worse. You leave me to my own for five months, which for those of you who are unsure, is abandonment. And then expect me to follow beck and call. A women who demeans my relationships with everyone, calling my best freinds, my "ex's". Or saying that I just inconvenience everyone. And these are thoughts I have with out your help Alda. I feel like a piece of shit with out you helping. I already feel I ask to much of people by simply being there. And these people always tell me, that I'm no issue. These people are more so family then you ever will be, and I will chose them over you any day. And I don't care how offended you get. You only ever cause me pain and heartache. To the point where I will challenge to revoke your custody. I don't want to do this, but I no longer have a choice. So I'm sorry. Your excuses no longer work with me. I'm very sorry it had to come to this. But my feelings lately, yes are my fault. Yes I feel stuck, that is my choice, but it was your actions. I feel worthless thanks to you. I've stop telling people things, becuase if my own mother is too busy to listen, why would someone else. I've been trying to make progress for months, and I finally was. But thanks to you, I'm back to square one. So thanks cuntzilla. I'm finished with trying. I'm finding a way out. One way or another. And for what its worth, I'm sorry it came to this. But I have tried so, so hard. But I'm happier now, and I refuse to give it up for you again. So once more. I'm sorry. But I have found something that brings me joy, and I have found people who care. More than you ever did. So please, just leave. It's going to hurt. But I really would be better with out you. So please, just let me go. Let me go already. Please.