Lyrics Book: Tuck Everlasting

Song #18: You Can't Trust a Man

HUGO: look at him go! I'd hate to let him get too far ahead.

CONSTABLE JOE: well, a fella dressed in yellow isn't gonna be too hard to track.

HUGO: it sure isn't a nice yellow.

CONSTABLE JOE: Hugo! There's no such thing as a "nice yellow." I don't know, Hugo. I gotta feeling it's all gonna come apart like wet bread. You can't trust a man dressed in yellow, Hugo, only a rogue wears that hue. A man who is fondest of suits that are jaundiced puts the yolk on him and the joke on you. They're tricksy, all men dressed in yellow- something deadly in their livelihood. He must be compensating...

HUGO: also fabricating-

CONSTABLE JOE: Hugo! There you go again! "Fabricating." If he hated the fabric, he would never have bought the suit! He must be compensating-

HUGO: also lying.

BOTH: 'bout why he wants the Foster's wood.

CONSTABLE JOE: oh, you can't trust a man dressed in yellow; that I knew from his very first "hello." I should have locked him in a cell, oh-

BOTH: you can't trust a man...

HUGO: from the carnival!

CONSTABLE JOE: also, carnival men can't be trusted; something wicket there brews underneath. Those inbreds' regalia with mad Bacchanalia. They all share, maybe, eight teeth. I say carnival men can't be trusted! Flashy hobos invadin' our towns. They ask my permission to charge an admission to expose us to Charlatans, acrobats, and- c-cl-

HUGO: clowns, sir?

CONSTABLE JOE: I hate them. Carnival men can't be trusted! They're all acutely maladjusted. Who knows how their funnel cake is dusted?

BOTH: no, you can't trust a man-

HUGO: with a bad handshake!

CONSTABLE JOE: did you notice his peculiar handshake? His fingers neither flaccid nor firm.

HUGO: like touching a porpoise.

CONSTABLE JOE: no habeas corpus could keep that fish-

HUGO: mammal-

CONSTABLE JOE: from serving full term. Bad handshake, bad man...

BOTH: watching if his grip lacks a squeeze.

CONSTABLE JOE: and a carnival man can't be trusted-

HUGO: as shifty as a swinging trapeze!

BOTH: and you can't trust a man dressed in yellow, even if you love cheddar cheese. Commingle all of these, you'll see the recipes- one bad man. One bad man. One bad man!

CONSTABLE JOE: come along, Hugo. Let's pick up the pace.