Living Silently

Orphan

"Noel"

I walked down the hall slowly knowing that every step I made was only one step closer to telling Amar some horrible news. He had been up for two days now after his third and hopefully final surgery. Amar's mom was downstairs in the morgue she came in on a stretcher already dead her wrist slit vertically which we could do almost nothing to fix. She was sure she wanted to die, and she made sure it would happen. I was so angry at Dr. Haudeck who pushed this off on me, I wasn't even technically supposed to do this, but he suddenly got swamped and, since I was his subordinate he pushed it onto me.

I walked into the pleasant room that had cartoons playing on the television, Amar was sitting on the bed smiling. That was the thing about kid patients that I loved; they possess a resiliency that is quelched in adult patients by the hardships of life beating down on them. Kids didn't worry much about the debt that would be caused or the work that they were missing, all they were focused on was feeling better and playing games.

"Hey Amar," I said walking into his room.

"Hi nurse Smith," He said with a smile on his face his eyes a little low.

"How are you feeling," I asked him with a kind smile.

"Tired," he said raising his hands up to his head.

"No no no. What did the doctor say," I asked him?

"Leave my wound alone and no touching," he said putting his hands on his lap.

"That's right... Amar, I need to talk to you about something," I said to him as I took a seat on his bed. I grabbed the remote control and turned the television off then took a deep breath.

"Amar I have some news about your mother. Your mom was in a very terrible accident today and was brought into the hospital. We had our entire trauma staff team working on her. Despite our best efforts, her wounds were too grave for us to mend. I'm sorry, but your mother has died," I said to him, and he looked at me confused.

"When does she come back from the dead...like in the tv," he said his voice small and full of fear. I looked at him not prepared for what he had said, "Amar that stuff on television isn't how real life works. In real life when people are dead and when their brain loses oxygen for too long you stay dead," I said, and the realization hit him, and he started to cry. He wasn't balling just tears falling down his eyes, and his blood pressure had raised.

"Where do I go home to, does my daddy get out of jail," he asked with a voice so weak that it scared me. I climbed closer to him and held him.

"I'm sorry it doesn't work like that, your dad has to stay in jail until he's let out," I told him knowing that his father was serving ten consecutive life sentences for multiple murders and didn't have the possibility of parole. He was only four years deep into his first sentence, so unless Amar and his father reached the age of two-hundred, they would never see each other without a glass wall blocking them. I had just told Amar that he was now considered an orphan.

"Later today a nice lady or man is going to come and talk to you about where you're going to live after this. They are going to be nice, and it's going to bother you because it's a stranger saying they are sorry and care about you, but you have to be nice okay," I said to him as he cried in my arms my tears building up.

"Then when you're healthy they are going to start looking for a really nice family for you and you have to be nice to them as long as they are kind to you," I said trying to build him with hope but knew no matter how young or kind you were kids with health issues were hard to get adopted and some foster families wouldn't even take them.

"I know you are scared; I remember when my parents died and my caseworker Mrs. Samantha came and talked to me. I was scared and needed someone, and I know will probably feel the same way but the moment I know who's coming to talk to you I'll ask around to make sure they do all they can for the kids in their care...okay," I said as tears fell from my eyes. He looked up at me and nodded then I began to rock him till he fell asleep. When he was knocked out, I made sure he was tucked in and then walked out of his room. I was moving on autopilot just one foot in front of the other al the way to the nurse's station and then to my car ignoring everyone who asked if I was okay. Before I knew it, I was in my house where Chloe was sitting on the couch. When she saw me, she jumped up.

"Noel whats wrong you're crying," she ran over to me and wiped the tears from my face and brought me into a hug.

"They...They made me tell a kid that he was an orphan. Nobody wanted to do it, so they made me. He's only six. His mom killed herself a-after she abandoned him and his dad is a -murderer," I broke down in her arms.

"Oh Noel," she said just holding me in her arms supporting a lot of my weight. I don't know how long I cried for but by the time I was done, I needed to lay down. I didn't even take my scrubs off after I kicked my shoes off. I only had the energy to get in my bed in the dark looking at my ceiling thinking about his odds. A kid who would need years of follow-ups, medicine, and probably psychological care would likely be required. I sat up in bed and grabbed my phone and began doing research. An hour or so deep into my internet search I heard my door open.

"Noel, your sister, texted me and told me something was wrong," Austin said as he walked in slowly. I could hear him getting closer but didn't look up from my dimmed phone screen.

"What are you looking at," he said kicking off his shoes and getting into the bed. He pulled me close, but I didn't respond to his touch just let him drag me into his arms.

"Why are you looking at apartments," he asked his mouth close to my ears.

"I need two bedrooms," I said not too interested in talking.

"Why are you and Chloe going in on a place," he asked.

"No, Amar's mom killed herself today. He's an orphan, a sick orphan who will probably end up in an orphanage until he turns eighteen. I won't let that happen, so I'm going to foster him at least until he's strong enough to get adopted by a kind family. He deserves that," I said while scrolling through the listings of houses in the area of a good school system Austin silent at my side.