Chocolate Emergency

Twenty Phoenix

Twenty Phoenix

      "You're excused to go to hell,"

      I know I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't meant to be heard by anyone anyways but everyone in the cluttered living room with pizza boxes and gaming console flung into an awkward corner was staring at me. Disbelief was deeply etched into Devlin's features. He couldn't believe I would say such a thing.

      God, what's wrong with me? This isn't me. I've never spoken to anyone this rudely.

Bre dragged her sneakers and skidded to stop beside Devlin, her lips pressed together tightly.

      "What did you just say to my cousin?" Devlin spoke, his arms crossed over his bare chest. I didn't like the tone in which he spoke. He never talked to me this shrewdly.

      Cousin? My eyes widened when I realized Bre was Devlin's cousin. Color rushed to my face.

      Fumbling, I wiped the pool of sweat gathering in the center of my palm against the rough fabric of my jean, a strange lump forming inside my throat.

      I ignored Devlin's piercing stare and faced Bre. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it. It's just I'm really tired and all. I hope you understand," I averted my eyes and stared at the blue carpet, ketchup stains adorning it. "If you'll excuse me," 

Before any of them could reply, I rushed out of the living room and into my room. I slammed the door behind me, the ground sinking beneath me as I pressed my back against the wood. 

"What's happening to me?" I whispered to the silent night air entering through the parted blinds. "He should not affect me this much,"

'But he does,' A voice inside my head said. 'What are you going to do about it?'

"Nothing, absolutely nothing,"

△▼△▼△

      I lay in bed, wide awake and bleary eyed. Running my hands through my tangled, brown tresses, I turned over and pulled out my earphones. The wires of the earphones were knotted in ugly ways. I didn't have the strength to straighten them. I tossed them to the floor- a pained sigh escaping my lips.

      The loud echo of hearty laughter, shouts, and rock music seeped through the small crack in the door and into my room. A strange longing entered my heart. I missed the times when I used to part of such gatherings.

      I sat up in bed, the blanket falling to my feet and resting there. I stared out the window, it was dark outside. Collecting my strength I trudged to the window, the gentle wind blowing my hair haphazardly. I watched the city come to life. Darkness faded into golden, red hues of light.

      It was like the ground was trying to imitate the night sky, hoping that someday it would look as beautiful those stars shining high above.

      I smiled. My fingers curled themselves around my arms.

Aren't we all the same? Like the ground. We see stars shining in the sky. We see the joy and radiance surrounding them. We want to be them. Abandoning the sparse time we have, we chase, we run after the illusion of light. If all of us could just appreciate our own pockets of happiness, wouldn't this world be a better place?

I rested my head against the cold glass, my breaths fogging the vision, distorting the reality laid ahead of me.

Once I had been the same, never really valuing the things I had, not knowing that could I even loose them. I had taken everything for granted. I always thought no-matter what I did my mother would be there to help me, to lift me off the ground when I fell, to love me.