Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to tweet #IGotBusted and share
the most embarrassing times they got caught.
-"I was on Facebook at work, and my boss walked up. I slammed down what I thought was my laptop screen, but it was actually my desktop
monitor.”
-“I lied and told my dad school
was canceled. He said, ‘Let’s go see
a movie.’ We got in the car, and he dropped me off at school.”
-"I was Facebooking in church, and the usher passed by and whispered, ‘You better be texting Jesus.’”
Fifth Third Bank? I don’t think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.
Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down,
she threw her arms in the air
and yelled in excitement, “I went potty all by myself, and now I can
go to Harvard!”
A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”
“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never
remember the name.”
New and improved names for everyday objects
Couch = People Shelf
• Books = Manual Films
• Bracelets = Clockless Watches
• Air Horn = Spray Scream
• Bottled Water = Snowman Blood
• Feather = Bird Leaf
A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”
“You jerk!” yells a voice from
the back of the courtroom.
“You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,”
says the judge.
“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.
“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”
