Colonoscopy Jokes
-"Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
-"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”
-"Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”
-"This is crap. They may see the end of me." (My dad said this)
As a side note, one of my relatives once went in for a colonoscopy and came out with knowledge of a heart condition and a recommendation to a cardiologist. He stated "At least we know my heart's in the wrong place!"
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
Phlebotomist: I’m here to draw some blood.
Patient: But I just received blood yesterday.
Phlebotomist: You didn’t think you’d get to keep it, did you?
A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: “Patient needs a
referral for your office from me. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.”
Nobody wants a pain reliever that’s anything less than extra-strength: “Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit.”
