Yesterday is gone

"Worse before they get better"

Stephanie nervously handed her husband a mug of tea. "Okay," she calmly restated. "What do you remember?"

"Nothing," Matt responded shaking his head. "I don't remember anything."

"Do you know who I am?" Stephanie asked.

Matthew continued to shake his head vigorously. "No! I don't remember anything!"

"Hey," Stephanie quickly calmed. "It's okay." She took his hand. "Just wait."

Steph reached behind her and pulled out a pen and notebook. "I want you to keep track of things that happen in this notebook."

He nervously nodded and took the book. "Alright," MatPat nodded.

"I'm going to be right back," the woman informed, squeezing his hand gently. "Is there anything I can get you?"

The theorist shook his head, not taking his eyes off of notebook he was writing on.

Stephanie left the room, holding back tears as she closed the door. It was difficult to see a man she'd known for such a long time just lose himself.

As she walked downstairs to get herself another cup of tea and some lunch, she grasped onto the words of Dr. Johnson for hope. After she set the kettle on the stove, she leaned back and closed her eyes. In the dark she could hear his voice as if he was in the room with her.

 "Most importantly, things will get worse before they get better. But they will get better. Of that, I can assure you."  

"Stephanie?" a voice next to her said, making her jump a bit. Her eyes adjusted to the light and saw Jason standing next to her. "Your tea is ready." He extended out a cup for her.

The woman nodded and took a sip, allowing the caffeine to give her another shot to seize the day. "How did this get ready so quickly?" Steph asked, setting the cup on the counter.

"You set the kettle an hour ago," Jason responded. "It was ready."

"I just set it a second ago."

The employee chuckled. "When I came here you were snoozing against the counter. You probably took a nap."

Stephanie cursed mentally as she glanced at the clock. Sure enough, an hour had passed without her even noticing. With a bit more of a drive behind her, Stephanie began rummaging through the fridge for leftovers or sandwich making items.

Jason frowned. "Stephanie," he asked, "when did you last sleep."

"I dunno," she flippantly replied. She'd waited the regular day with Matthew. Then when he'd entered surgery at 9 in the afternoon. Even though she was encouraged by staff to take at least a little time to sleep, Stephanie had stayed up all four hours nervously playing Candy Crush. Then she'd driven three hours to take a passed out Matthew home. Then she had to send an e-mail to relatives and close friends explaining that Matt might actually be getting better soon. By this time she was exhausted and ready to go to bed, but she had been instructed not to sleep with him. Within an hour she could hear the walking and knew he was awake and up with the sunlight.

After a day of work, she'd managed to stay up all night with a man who could not fall asleep. Matthew had trouble understanding that drinking more and more water was not the way to stop using the bathroom in the dead of night. Soon enough, sheer exhaustion made the sandman do his work and put her husband. Shortly after that, she'd gotten a snack and hopped on to have a breakfast-midnight meeting with the editor Thomas. That had lasted to the early morning, and the rest of the night was answering e-mails before going back upstairs to take care of Matt.

"Two days ago," she replied, setting out her meal. It was a portmanteau of Wendy's, Burger King, various Walmart/Target wings, and other various fast food opportunities.

"Stephanie," Jason scolded, "you need sleep."

"I know," Stephanie acquiesced, "I'll try and get some soon."

Jason grabbed a Diet Coke and a lunch he'd packed before heading back to work. Stephanie finished her tea and headed back up to the third floor. "Hey," she called, knocking on the door and walking inside. "How are you?"

Matthew, who was bent over a table writing, looked up when she walked inside. His furrowed brow turned into a joyous smile upon seeing her. He let out a cry for joy and stood up.

As her husband came towards her with his arms outstretched, Steph readied herself for a hug. That is not what she got. Instead, Matt took her in his arms, dipped her, and gave her a deep kiss before setting her back upright.

Stephanie was a bit surprised by his overzealous action, but didn't criticize him. "Does that mean you're doing good?"

"Um," Matt hummed, "kind of."

"Do you remember me?"

He looked at her blankly. "No," he confirmed after a minute.

"But... you..." Stephanie vacillated, "you kissed me."

"Yes."

"If you don't know me, then why did you kiss me?"

"Because you're pretty."

The woman, clearly taken aback, shook her head quickly. "Because I'm pretty. Do you kiss all pretty girls you see."

"No, I kissed you because you made me happy."

"Happy?"

"I don't know. Seeing you made me happy."

Steph tilted her head a bit. "How?"

"I dunno. Just, like, warmth by the heart. Just, happy."

"Sounds good," Stephanie nodded, her heart secretly breaking a little more inside. "Do you who you are?"

"No," Matthew huffed.

"Alright." She pointed to his notebook. "What do you have there?"

"I don't know," he answered, picking up the notebook and holding it in both of his hands.

She extended a hand for it and he gave it to her. Flipping through it, she found the pages were on saying "I'm awake now" over and over again. Some were scribbled out. One had an arrow saying "they were wrong, I am awake now."

"Did you write anything in this?" she asked, turning the book so he could see it.

MatPat squinted at the writing. "No," he responded. "That was always there."

Stephanie nodded, pretending to believe him. The notebook was completely empty when she'd given it to him. She did not write anything on those first two pages. Only he could've. "They all say something along the lines of 'I am awake'. When did you wake up?"

"Right now," Matt said.

"Right now?"

"Yes."

"Weren't we talking before?"

"No."

"Didn't you kiss me when I walked in the room?"

MatPat shook his head. "I've only ever woken up now."

Stephanie gave him back the book. "And you still don't know who I am?" she reiterated, knowing the response wouldn't change.

"Never seen you before right now."

"Okay," Stephanie sighed, "my name is Stephanie and I will be taking care of you. If you need anything, please call."

Matt shook his head in agreement and went back to writing.

The moment Steph stepped out of the room she burst into tears. It was hard to see the man she loved, had lived with for so many years loose all semblance of self.

"Stephanie?" a voice trailed through the door.

"Yes?" she responded, almost shocked to hear him calling her name.

"Could you please get me a Diet Coke?"