The Days With No Sun

When?

When? When will I be resilient? When will I become who you want me to be? When will I become strong again? When will I defeat anything again? When will my time come? I want to learn new things, teach new people, grow. But if all I'm doing is waiting for someone to learn their lesson and move on what am I doing anymore? Why am I here still listening to you? This stupid voice in my head keeps telling me to drop dead. I want to run, faster and faster I'll go running and running. I can't stop now because I have no reason to. I have to keep pushing this bullshit. I have to keep going forward even though this is just so fuckin stupid. I can't keep doing this. I need to stop. I don't want to end up like you guys. I don't want to lose my mind. This therapy crap isn't doing anything. I still feel like shit. I still want to die. Good god, I want to die so bad. I don't want to be on this earth anymore. I thought I could help you guys. I thought I could save everyone. But I can't even save myself. I can't always be who you need me to be. But I'm trying so fucking hard to do what you want me to it's driving me insane. I get these massive migraines just by looking at you. Massively horrid migraines just by slightly hearing a soft mention of your name. And I can never stop thinking about all the shit you did to me all the things you put me though. But your name means nothing to me anymore. Your mention of the "love" you have for me is an empty scream from the cell you rot in crying that your lonely because no one will put up with your bullshit anymore, dad. No one wants to fight with you anymore. No one wants to even look at you because of the shit you put everyone through. I still love you and it gives me headaches. I can't drop you like everyone else because you're just so... So... Ugh I can't even put words to the fact that you're like a puppy. Needy and whiny. Soft and yet you piss on everything that's given to you. When will I see you again? Not until after I graduate high school. If I see you before that don't come to my graduation. Don't even bother showing up at my school. Don't even try to pull me out of school for a day like you used to so we could go get Mcdonalds and go shopping with your drug money. I don't want toys any more shit I never did. I just wanted you. And you left. Every fucking time you left. I can't even believe my half brother and sisters still idolize you. When they get older they will know the truth. I knew the truth and I was only 8 years old. I grew up. When will you?