I'm so sick of myself. So physically sick of living and breathing on this earth. I'm so sick of being left out and pushed away. I'm sick of all the lies and made up truths. I'm sick of being called endless names with endless meanings behind them. I'm sick of being physically sick to my stomach because of what you made me do. I'm so sick of being mentally lost and stuck. I'm sick of hearing all the "suck it up, its life" and all the "it's going to pass just push through". But most of all I'm so fucking sick of being the one that has to fix all the problems you caused. I'm sick of being your slave. I'm sick of being your plus one and not being your only one. I'm sick of being tired, so fucking tired of you and your shit and of everyone else's shit. I'm so fucking sick to my stomach right now because you made me think this was ok. I'm sick of being emotional. I'm sick of being mentally drained of all that I once knew and all that I could have. I'm so sick of living here thinking everything is going to be fine when really it's not. I'm sick of believing. I'm sick of loving. I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of not knowing what to do anymore. I'm so fucking sick, of this life. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of depression and anxiety and of PTSD and of stress. I'm sick of being everyone's fool. I'm sick of losing people I love. I'm sick of liars and haters. I'm sick of populars and jocks. I'm sick of nerds and goths. I'm sick of band geeks and choir kids. I'm sick of dramatic ass hoes who think everything they touch has to be there's even if it belongs to someone else. I'm sick of people thinking its ok to be unloyal and acting on it. I'm sick of everyone telling me to keep pushing when I can't anymore. I can't fucking do it anymore and I'm sick of you asking me to. I'm so done with being sick of everyone and everything. I'm sick of not being happy. I'm sick of being sad. I'm sick of being angry while you're being glad. I'm sick of loving someone who doesn't know what love is. And I'm so sick of loving you when you don't even love me back. I'm sick of fighting for us and being the only one explaining to people where we're at. I'm sick of doing all the work and only getting kisses as a show of appreciation. I'm sick of fighting for someone who won't even fight back. I'm sick of loving you when you don't care if we split up. I'm sick of being the only one in love. I'm so fucking sick of being the only one. I'm sick of being an open book. I'm sick of you having no emotion. I'm sick of you not being angry when you should be. I'm sick of you having everything you could ever need and want and taking that for granted. I'm sick of having a dead beat Dad in prison and a Mother who is spending more money on cigarettes and booze than on bills or baby food. I'm so sick of having the power bill in my name and you guys fucking up my credit. I'm so sick of not knowing if the next time I get home if we will have water or power or even a house to come home to. I'm so sick of living in fear that cops will take everyone away. I'm so sick of thinking life is a sinking ship when all I wanted was a smooth sail. I'm so fucking sick of all of my family fighting and arguing with each other when they live on 2 different sides of fucking town. I'm so fucking sick of you making shit up about me based off what you learned today. I'm so sick of being a statistic. Another fucking number in this sick ass system. God, I'm so sick of being the only one with a job at home while we live off government and unemployment checks to get by. I'm sick of being in poverty my whole life. I'm sick of this town and its sick ass people. I'm sick of its crime ratings and of seeing 10 cop cars every half hour. I'm so sick of helping people who won't help me. I'm sick of you asking for shit but then pretending like I don't exist when I need something. I'm sick of having a million favors from you guys but never being able to cash them in to you. I'm sick of being a fucking traffic light telling you how to do shit cause you don't fucking know how. I'm so sick of google answers being the first resource I use because you're so damn unreliable. I'm sick of catching feelings for people. I'm sick of always being there for you and you not once look at me. I'm so fucking sick of this world's shit that I don't want to be in it anymore. I'm so fucking done with this earth I can't even act like I'm not sick of it. I'm so sick of being alone. I'm sick of being unstable. Im sick if being downed. I'm sick of just being me. I'm sick of no one being real. I'm sick of the fakes. I'm sick of the lost hope and of the lost world. I'm sick of the people in this world. I'm so fucking sick of pretending to be ok. I'm so sick of losing everything in a day and waiting years to get it back. I'm so sick of being hopeless. I'm sick of having a big heart.
I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally sick of this shit.
But worst of all, I'm sick of me too.
YOU ARE READING
The Days With No Sun
شِعرSometimes we fear truth over reality. But things get dark and heavy and we play the blame game. We end up hurting others or ourselves even. We don't think before we act or we don't say before we do. This is the evolution of my madness. A cluster of...
