Have you ever had a bad dream? One where you wake up at 3 AM and your heart is pounding and you can't breathe and you start sweating real hard, then you try to remember what made you wake up this way. And you can't think of anything. You remember bits and pieces but not the full dream. All of a sudden its like a wave of nausea and you want to throw up. But you can't because you have nothing in you. You can't think of the way this dream has scarred you into getting up at 3 AM. Its been almost 40 minutes and you still haven't fallen asleep. You lay there thinking, "Why is my mind so fucked up this way? Why has my brain decided that this is what it wants me to feel?" Scared and shaky, sleepless. There's no way to describe the feeling that I've lost a piece of myself in the nightmare. That my fears might become my reality. That my heart feels the same way as my mind. Lost, scared, confused, always confused and disappointed. Dissapointed in myself and my thoughts. Dissapointed that I can't fix it that no matter how or what I try I can't fix any of it. I can't feel any less dissapointed in myself. My dreams are slowly trasforming into a reality for me. I hoped I wouldn't have to actually seek professional help but even my doctors and telling me I'm fucked up. And I can't even get the help I need because I have no way to pay for it or even get to the appointments. I'm just so fucked up in my sleep and in life, it's messing with everything I do and everyone I know. I need help.
I need sleep.
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The Days With No Sun
PoesíaSometimes we fear truth over reality. But things get dark and heavy and we play the blame game. We end up hurting others or ourselves even. We don't think before we act or we don't say before we do. This is the evolution of my madness. A cluster of...
