I Think I'm Being Followed: Chapter 6
Jane:
'Back in a sec.'. I say, before sashaying into the kitchen, where I find, two shirts, thrown to the ground in what obviously passion. Sarah must have had her way with Matt; I stifle a laugh, as well as a small pang of jealousy.
I decide to leave the clothes where they are, wouldn't want Matt to have to go home topless because he couldn't find it now would I?
I open the fridge, stepping over Sarah's discarded blouse, and pull out a bottle of Beer - The last one - for Jack and pour some water for myself, I notice that this bottle is type that needs a bottle opener to remove the cap, and I instantly curse Sarah for having drunk the last of the cans, the bottle opener is in a draw that I don't want to go near, one that I've filled up with all the yellow post-it notes He's left me over the past few months.
I must have been standing still in the kitchen without saying a word for a while because all of a sudden Jack is behind me. 'Hey, are you okay?' I nod in reply, 'Are you sure? You haven't said much since we left the restaurant, did you not enjoy yourself? I can hear the hint of worry in his voice, I can tell he's hoping I'll tell him how great tonight has been, which wouldn't be a lie, I really do like Jack, he's sweet, and everything I could ask for in a decent guy, but I know that pulling him closer to me will only end up getting him hurt, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
I haven't answered him and I can see concern creasing his otherwise flawless features, edging away, I think he turns to leave mumbling something along the lines of 'This was a bad idea.' I realise that I don't want him to leave, and quickly step forward and snake my arms around his waist, he pauses and I can feel him relaxing into me, I smile, and tell him to sit down, because I'll have the drinks in a minute. Which he does, hesitating only slightly.
Without realising what im doing, I reach for the drawer I try so desperately to avoid, and pulling it open quickly and effortlessly, my hand reaches inside, and when I pull out the bottle opener I also inadvertently nudge loose hundreds of previously compacted yellow post-it notes, several of which, 20 or so, fell to the floor. For a moment all I do I stare, then an adrenaline rush sets in and I drop the two glasses, not caring that the glass shatters almost immediately afterwards, small and large pieces alike settling all around me. I reach desperately for the little yellow pieces of paper, each with tiny messages scrawled over them, im confronted with all the iloveyou's and imissyou's I have spent so long ignoring. I snatch one after the other from the ground; my heart beat pounding in my ears. My hand closes around more and more of them, the glass that im not focusing on gets stuck in my hands, as im pulling the notes towards me, trying to gather them, it feels as if more and more of them are falling on me, surrounding me, the sickly yellow of the paper is all I can see, as I try in vain, to calm myself, all I can think of is the man who sent me these, who is constantly finding a way to leave these notes wherever I go. The man who follows me, staying far enough away from me so that I can't see him but close enough that his footsteps echo with my own.
My breathing is out of control, im gasping for air, as everything I've been keeping from everyone in my life, comes rushing back to me. My vision blurs and I squint my eyes trying to see clearly, but it doesn't work and im losing feeling in all my limbs, I cant control my movements, as I fight to stay conscious, desperate to hide all these yellow reminders, hide them somewhere where Jack wont find them. Oh, no. Jack, who's still here, he can't find these, he can't see this part of my life, no. 'Jack.' I whisper, before I can't see anything anymore. I resign myself to the darkness.
Images flash before my eyes, too quickly for me to comprehend. I hear a voice, but it's too far away from me, out of focus, and out of sync with my darkness.
I'm feeling like this for what feels like hours, 'till gradually, the darkness seems to fade, giving way to light, and those stars you see when you push down on closed eyelids. The voice is Jack's. 'Shit, shit, shit, Jane, wake up, you're scaring me now.'
His voice portrays how worried he actually is, he seems genuinely concerned, which makes my heart flutter, I like thinking that he cares about me.
I feel his hand take mine, then he lightly kisses my hand, and I can't help but think of that kiss earlier, so delicate, not at all forceful, with nothing but decent intentions behind it.
If only I could actually keep Jack around me, but I can't because he'd get hurt, and I couldn't stand it if he got hurt because of me.
The feelings return in my limbs and I think I can open my eyes, but I hold back, im not sure how to explain this to him, what would he say after seeing all the notes?
Im thinking of what to say, when Jack kisses me again, just as lightly as before but this time there is a determination behind it, as if he thinks that by kissing me he could solve everything, like a fairy tale.
Jack pulls me into an embrace, I open my eyes, touched by the sentiment, and pushing him backwards lightly with both hands on his chest, I smile, a real smile, and he smiles back, his face lights up, he seems so happy, just to see me awake.
'Jane! Oh my god, are you okay? His expression switches back and forth between worry and that gorgeous smile.
'Yeah, I'm anaemic...' I say, using the iron deficiency as an excuse, I've heard that can make you faint, 'Just forgot to take my iron supplements.' I add, hoping he'll just accept my answer despite the obvious lie.
'Oh thank god!' he says before wrapping his arms around me again. I silently thank him for not pushing it further. I slowly get up from the couch - Jack must've carried me over here from the kitchen. - And decide that I need to face whatever it is that happened earlier. Jack helps me to get up, supporting me with his right arm under my left one. He lets go though, when im standing upright, knowing that I'm the type of person who likes to make my own way, without a constant crutch, he seems to know me so well already. Or maybe it was a lucky guess?
I walk purposefully and deliberately towards the kitchen, the scene of my personal destruction. Surprisingly, I find it clean, no hint of glass or yellow paper. Confused I glance at Jack, 'I, uh, cleaned up the glass for you.' He says, before glancing away, refusing to meet my eyes. I can tell he's feeling uncomfortable, probably because were both thinking about the same thing; the missing post-it's.
'D'you want to go? Don't force yourself to stay if you don't want to' I hear myself say, maybe he detects the hint of aggression in my voice, maybe not, but im actually surprised when I he refuses to leave. 'No, no way, im not leaving now, im worried about you.' He says, whilst I think yeah, for all the wrong reasons. 'Besides, I know you don't want me to go.' He adds, full of confidence but I can tell that he's actually just hoping I won't make him leave.
I like that he doesn't want to go, but im also scared, I really, really want him to stay, but I know it's a really bad idea.
'You're right. Please, stay with me?'
'It would be my pleasure.' He replies, before pulling me into a tight bear hug.
Whilst we embrace, I glance around the kitchen again, my gaze lands on the corner of a tiny piece of yellow paper protruding from underneath a counter, where it has been hastily shoved, in an obvious panicked frenzy.
Knowing that I've just put Jack into more danger than he could possibly comprehend, I instantly regret my decision.
